My loyal fan base (readers, watchers, callers) know that I describe my phone sex “style” as “Fetish and Kink with a Dominant Flair.” But what, exactly, does that mean. Well, brothers and sisters, pull up a chair and grab yourself a nice hot cup of java, ‘cause I’m here to tell you.

Lucky or unlucky for me — depending on your point of view — I began my rather infamous career as a PSO working part-time for a reputable and well-established phonesex service while I was in college–barely eighteen, away from home and fairly sexually naïve. I am sure you can appreciate that I was scared to death.

Matters were not helped by the company’s policy that we take every call, regardless of fetish, kink, or rating on the grotesque meter. In the beginning, I hated that policy; I thought I would never be able to handle the calls and, in the first few months, thought about quitting every single day. Yet handle it I did, because that was what was expected of me. Of course, working from home had its advantages: I could study or sleep between calls and did not have to stand on my feet waiting tables for eight hour shifts. So I hung in there.

Eventually — and I think it was a surprise to everybody — I became their most-requested conversationalist.

I probably learned more about the condition of being human on the phones “talking dirty” than I’ve ever learned in a psych or philosophy class. Callers had to purchase a half hour minimum talk time, which usually left room for some pillow talk, and I got to know most of my callers quite intimately. They were good guys just like I was a good girl. And just like me, they had some fantasies that had absolutely nothing to do with the reality of who they were.

And I can guarantee you that smart, successful men (Who else could afford 30 min calls, particularly since ninety percent of my callers talked for an hour or more?) are very kinky guys. And I like that! Because, I am kinky too…and, quite frankly, so is the rest of the world in some way or other. They just don’t have the honesty or grit to be up front about it.

I don’t necessarily think that fantasies should be taken from the realm of make believe and into the real world. In fact, most of the time, my advice would be, “Don’t try this at home.” I mean, what’s so wrong with vanilla sex in our real lives? Isn’t that how we connect, say I love you, make babies? Would you really want to give all of that up to live in a cage and be peed on, spit upon, and beaten 24/7?

Fantasy is my forte–the kinkier and more perverse, the better. I love creating a scene, utilizing all of a caller’s hot buttons as my backdrop, taking him to a place even in his wildest imagination he couldn’t envision. We need to tap into that libido and start a fire. That is my job! Just let me do it!

I like to be dominant, but not in a ‘Shut Up! It’s my way or the highway!’ kind of way. How in the world can I possibly run YOUR show without knowing and using your fetishes and kinks to take control? For example, if spanking is a turnoff for you, then spanking you is not going to wield me any power, now is it? In other words, I press your buttons and make a believer out of you. It is simply delicious and fun and hot. As it should be.

It’s all about the buttons, darling. And I will get my fingers on them. Just you wait!

Perhaps you’ve come across this illustrious Mistress-Prototype whilst tripping the web fantastic?

After all, she is anywhere and everywhere in a zillion different guises these days. Her modus operandi is to impress upon you (and the rest of her mythological stable) the fact of her dominance over all things male (aka: all things vile/stupid/to be loathed) and concurrently convince you that your money is her money.

Pull out that credit card, puke-face, piggy, worm, loser….or fill-in-the-blank with your very own favorite cheap shot . And please do feel free to fill in the blank, because that is about all you are gonna get back from Mistress Cuthchacockoff. Incapable of orginality and posessing neither a spark of talent nor modicum of intelligence, even her fill-ins are borrowed/copied/stolen from others.

It’s the monkey see, monkey do Phone-Sex-Method. Oh, excuse me, lest I offend someone. I mean to say the monkey see, monkey do Phone-Domination-Method. Either way, it’s not exactly Strasburg-esque, eh?

And don’t ya just love the verbiage: Let’s get this straight. I am superrior [sic] two [sic] you. I don’t care about you and your tiny prick. I will cuckholed [sic] you and use you to my advantage. Whats [sic] your’s [sic] is mine. I will take all of your money and you better make at least $40,000 a year or I won’t talk too [sic] you.

Woo hoo! $40,000 a year? Go gettum, girly.

Are humiliation and financial domination legitimate forms of domination? You betcha. There are some very good legit (both fantasy and pro) Mistresses who deliver verbal devastation and financial fuckery in spades. Isabella Valentine, Princess Crissy, Mistress Katja, Myra Stern, Excusively Devon and Mistress V are a few who come to mind. TRUE MISTRESSES LOVE MEN! Playing with you, turns them on. And despite your annihilation at their hands, they ultimately respect you and keep you safe. You can take that to the bank.

On the other hand, the Vageena Cutchacockoffs polluting phone sex sites, chat rooms and message boards are low-rent rip-off artists. They reinvent themselves whenever a new kink slides onto the scene. Unfortunately, they do so at YOUR expense while simultaneously wasting your time. So be forwarned and be safe: Find yourself a Mistress who will ultimately –after the chains and whips have been put away– take good care of you.

Richard had some very interesting observations regarding the Vageenas of the world recently. And if anybody has insight, this deep-thinking submissive does.

And FYI: You can read two articles I wrote (Fantasy Mistress: Just a Figment of Your BDSM Desires and Erotic Humiliation is Not an Oxymoron) which address this topic in depth in the book, Sex Kitten Presents the BDSM Issue. (available at Amazon, just click the link)

Stay tuned to hear more about Vageena Cuchacockoff in later entries.

xo

Just so you know…

I haven’t forgotten you. (In fact, I know each and every one of you [kinda-sorta] by name.) I’ve been wrapped up in some time-consuming projects, which I’d put off longer than I should have and it’s kept me rather distracted from this blog.

We have a lot to discuss when I settle down here and focus: New links, good friends, and all that jazz. I am very lucky to have met the people I’ve met here on the web and would love very much for you to meet them too. So make sure you stay tuned.

***

In the meantime, check out Machine Gun Granny. Make sure to watch the entire thing (very short) and hold on to your toodles, cuz I think she just might mean business.

And…now we have phone art, thanks to the newest development in cell phones.

By the way, Mr. Goedde is also a most excellent fetish photographer.

And here’s a bit of gloom for you.

Question: Do you think it’s a turn-on to watch a woman masturbate?

xo

I took this quiz after finding it via the website of Principal Quattrano (I like this lady a lot. A very smart cookie, indeed. If your fantasies involve the authoritative, displinarian type of female, you really should consider giving her a call.), where I’d become absorbed in her insightful and captivating blog.

While I originally did it for my own amusement, the quiz was rather time consuming (as you can see if you check out the linkage) and the results (see italicized above) were relatively (I do care about my slave’s pleasure, contrary to the quiz results.) dead-on. So I thought I would share it.

What gets one’s motor cranking can be utterly surprising at times. Both my own motor and those of the men with whom I dally via the phones. I was just talking with someone about this and thought I’d bring it to Zen Fetish. Maybe it will enlighten. Maybe it will befuddle. Maybe it will be boring. Readers choice….I guess.

While I prefer sensually and even bizarre domination fantasies when doing calls and even occasionally masturbate to them, they are not the predominate fantasy of my private moments. I actually enjoy being controlled when it’s all happening in my head. And in my real-life sexcapades I prefer mostly vanilla with a smidgeon of kink here-and-there to spice it up. (Read more about that here: Mind Fiction.)

To my way of thinking, the key ingredient to an intense, over-the-top, mind-blowing orgasm is the feeling of a loss of control. We either lose it, or cause our partner to lose it. We all have certain buttons, phrases, fetishes, words, scenarios which personally represent this loss of control to us. Just a few examples:

• Being called daddy’s dirty little girl. (submissive female)
• Insertion of unusual objects into orafices. (dirty)
• Elaborate bondage of female. (dominant male)
• Public sex. (taboo)
• Spanking. (naughty)
• Controlled masturbation. (submissive male)

Fantasies are unique to each individual and some are downright astounding:

• evil tickling
• sneezing
• balloons
• peeing (on masturbator or on floor or on self)
• giant female (shrinking male)
• wrestling
• catfights

What I wish most is that we would learn to embrace our fantasies…and to not judge someone elses. Shame is not a good thing–either to feel or to inflict upon others. And if we think our fantasies are sick and prove some type of character flaw within our selves…well, then we are fucked! Because fantasies don’t go away and we are damning ourselves with our very own lack of self-acceptance.

Stay tuned for Part II.

xo