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Angela St. Lawrence is the reigning queen of high-end, long distance training and Femme Domme phone sex, providing esoteric depravity for the aficionado, specializing in Erotic Fetish, Female Domination, Cock Control, Kinky Taboo and Sensual Debauchery. To make an appointment or speak with Ms. St. Lawrence  ...


Wannabe Submissives

A sure sign that a caller proclaiming to be “submissive” is really just a wannabe is when he tries to “top from the bottom.” If you’re not familiar with this phrase, Wikipedia says:

Topping from the bottom is a BDSM term, meaning a person who wants to be dominated but simultaneously direct the top to do it according to their wishes.

This happens a lot. Particularly with Long Distance Domination. Of which I happen to do quite a bit. I like it. In fact, I like it a lot. At least most of the time. But there are those times when I just want to strangle the caller because he is really just a wannabe.

The wannabes haven’t had any, or at least very little real life experience. Which means that they’ve most likely spent years dreaming up the ideal scenario. Richard in commenting on a Sex Kitten discussion calls this the “Fantasy Ferris Wheel.” An apt term; I think I’ll keep it. Because look what else Wikipedia has to say:

Topping from the bottom is usually considered poor practice [emphasis mine] amongst lifestyle BDSM devotees, although fairly common amongst the “BDSM curious” or newcomers who have had submissive sexual fantasies for some time but lacked real experience of a sexual dominant.

On certain days –and this was one of them– I do believe that I have had it up to my pretty brown eyes with wannabes. Because when a guy calls with all these preconceived ideas of what is the “perfect D/s and/or BDSM experience, he is usually going to try my patience. Because his “tunnel vision” is firmly in place and is strung so tight around his balls that there’s no communication. He is a wannabe-sub-robot.

Now, as an Erotic Conversationalist, I am a good listener. I know this, because my callers keep calling back. I think it’s safe to assume that this translates into “Angela gives good phone.” I really want the guy on the other end of the phone to have a superior experience. And not just him, but me too. Because I like what I do–when I am permitted the opportunity to do it well.

But if my caller is set on wannabe-sub-robot autopilot (monotone: Mistress must make me say that I am her kinky-boy ass kisser every other sentence. Mistress must wear red stilletos. Mistress must smoke marlboro lights. Mistress must stick her right heel –not her left one– up my ass.), I am just not going to get anywhere with him. This is the Distance Domination form of topping from the bottom.

And he is going to be disappointed. And you know what? I’m glad the little jerky-boy is. It’s what he deserves for waisting both his and my time. Both of us have better things to do.

Otherwise, things are fine. How about you?

xo, Angela

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7 Responses to “Wannabe Submissives”

  1. Michelle Says:

    Angela, you are right to feel aggrieved about this. It must be annoying to you as the Top, and stifling to your creativity and instinctual flow. I wrote a blog elsewhere once called “revenge of the Bottom”, but there I didn’t consider the effect on the Top.
    As an observer, I’ve gathered that being a Domme can be bloody hard work!

  2. Richard Says:

    But the Secret Handbook says it has to be the right heel. The left heel is for penis crushing.

  3. Michelle Says:

    Ah, so…how very precise the punishment crtieria (lol)!
    I’ve often fantasised about being a B&D sub, but when I tried it once with a friend, I got the giggles… bad boy/girl, shoulda been spanked more for that, I suppose….

  4. hot java Says:

    Maybe getting these calls is one consequence of being so obviously brilliant at this genre. I can see a starved Night Flirt surfer with a brain or a wannabee brain, seeing the lofty position you occupy in kinkdom and he wants to play too….he just doesn’t know how. Or maybe they are just jerks. As Emily Latella once said, “never mind.”

  5. Booklover Says:

    “Angela gives good phone.” Amen.

  6. Femdom Blogs » Topping From the Bottom Says:

    […] Wannabe Submissives […]

  7. ZenFetish » Blog Archive » My First Mistress: Part III Says:

    […] What this story says to me more than anything is that Richard is most definitely not a wannabe sub. He is the REAL DEAL. And it also tells me that he is truly deserving of the title, Submissive Savant. […]

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