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God vs. Devil

Bethany (my sister) sent this to me last week. It seems her office is in a tizzy, due to an influx of new sales people, mostly men. Her usually less-than-enthusiastic (but very hot–blonde and big boobs) secretary has suddenly become outrageously outgoing and flirtatious which is causing disharmony along with some nasty gossip. I say they are all jealous.

Probably because they can find nothing more interesting to do all day long than exchange emails like the one from which the following is excerpted.

In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

Then using God’s great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream and Krispy Creme Donuts. And Satan said, “You want chocolate with that?” And Man said, “Yes!” and Woman said, “And as long as you’re at it, add some sprinkles.” And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled.

And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 6 to size 14.

So God said, “Try my fresh green salad.” And Satan presented Thousand-Island dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

God then said, “I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them.” And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.

God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it “Angel Food Cake,” and said, “It is good.” Satan then created chocolate cake and named it “Devil’s Food.”

God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose those extra pounds. And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering blue light and gained pounds.

Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained pounds.

God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite. So Satan created McDonald’s and its 99-cent double cheeseburger, and then said, “You want fries with that?” And Man replied, “Yes! And super-size them!” And Satan said, “It is good.” And Man went into cardiac arrest.

God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.

Then Satan created HMOs

8 Responses to “God vs. Devil”

  1. puzzler565 Says:

    And God said, “Well, if you are going to die, I’ll let you meet Angela first.” And Satan said “I quit.”

  2. Luscious Lyndee Says:

    WOW, I come here on a Sunday morning, sipping my hot tea, and find another topic that “burns me from the inside out!” Please do not even get me started on this topic..

    As one who works in the healthcare industry and witnesses such a bureaucracy amid the health insurance providers and the multi-million dollar annual profits posted by same, it makes me sick to know firsthand just what so many endure at the hands of their lovely HMO Plans.

    I promise you, they ARE NOT all that they were cracked up to be by their initiators, and only hinder healthcare in EVERY aspect! This, I can assure you.

    If Lyndee had her way, she would be banging the steps in Washington, D.C. as a anti-HMO lobbyist, trust me!!

    Love ya, chica! You are the best!

  3. Mistress V Says:

    Well I must say this was amusing, it was great coffee reading. Miss ya girlie
    talk soon

  4. booklover35 Says:

    Don’t get me started about HMOs! The sad part is, when I first joined an HMO 25 years ago, it actually provided the best health service I and my children have ever received. But it was run by doctors back then, not beancounters.

    So is trying to get an insurance claim straightened out the Purgatory that lies between God and Satan? No, I think not – it is Hell itself.

  5. hdb Says:

    Indeed sir.

    I believe that Satan did create the HMO and along with it out sourcing. The bean counter and his money gathering wins and quality loses.

    As time marches on, we will become more of a third world country, not the leader we have been.

    Our medical needs will be provided at a such a low unintelligable basic level that the days of quaility medical care will be only a memory as will be everything we produce.

  6. science nerd Says:

    Angela, I think you hit a very sensitive nerve with your final punch line. HMO’s indeed. There are many culprits delivering our current health care system…and it is indeed a more devilish than a heavenly community.

  7. Mistress Sky Says:

    Oh dear… not having experienced the trials and tribulations of HMOs, I just found it funny and well-written!

    However, we struggle enough with our NHS and I think we’re being micro-managed into a similar situation… 🙁

    Glad to see you back on form,
    Take care

  8. ZenFetish » Blog Archive » Auld Lang Syne Says:

    […] shared with you the inter-office emails my sister, Bethany, forwarded to me — including God vs. Devil and What Men Do with […]

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