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A certain gentleman sent me this, noting that when it comes to men and women, the man has one single rule to follow: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don’t get any points for doing something she expects.

Here is a guide to the point system:


You make the bed. (+1)
You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow. (0)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets. (-1)

You go out to buy her what she wants. (+5)
In the rain. (+8)
But return with beer. (-5)

You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing. (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something. (+5)
You pummel it with iron rod.(+10)
It’s her pet. (-10)


You stay by her side the entire party. (0)
Then leave her side to chat with a college buddy. (-2)
Named Rita. (-4)
Rita is a dancer. (-6)
Rita is single and is really beautiful. (-80)


You forget her birthday. (-50000)
You take her out to dinner. (0)
You take her out to dinner and it’s not a sports bar. (+1)
Okay, it’s a sports bar. (-2)
And it’s all-you-can-eat night. (-3)
And your face is painted the colors of your favorite team. (-10)


You take her to a movie. (+2)
You take her to a movie she likes. (+4)
You take her to a movie you hate. (+6)
You take her to a movie you like. (-2)
It’s called Death Cop. (-3)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans. (-15)


When she talks to you about a problem you listen, looking concerned. (0)
You listen, for over 30 minutes. (+50)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV. (+500)
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep. (-10000)


Said gentleman concluded with asking me, “Now just what kind of a chance do you think a guy has?”

My answer: Absolutley none. So you might as well get used to it.

5 Responses to “No Mercy: SHE ALWAYS WINS”

  1. hdb Says:

    Alas. yes we really don’t have much chance do we? But, you know what? Women do make the test exciting.

    Thank you as always for this existential chuckle.

  2. lawyer guy Says:

    This was supposedly news?

    (But it did bring a grin – I guess a smile of recognition, actually.)

  3. David Says:


  4. jeremy Says:

    With a rickshaw in hand and a broomstick up my ass, I understand this point system. My hubby is ugly but he sure can cook – 0 pts; my hubby is ugly, but he sure can take me to dinner at a place with 6 forks per place setting – +50 pts.

  5. Tom Allen Says:

    I always think that if women didn’t have all those nice, soft, curvy parts, then I’d have no idea how we would all get along.

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