I never meant to stay away this long. Honest, I didn’t. I buckled down to get some real work done and some serious kink-0-phone under my belly chain and the time just flew. Then, of course, like you I had to do the Easter thing. But that’s all behind me now and here I am.

Of course you were continuously on my mind; I tucked away so many things to tell you about once we were alone together again. Unfortunately –in one neuron and out the other– I can’t recall a damn one of them right now.

Let me think. Hmmm….

Oh yes. Here’s something. How would you like a nice pervy, voyeuristic peek at Sex Kitten Gracie’s soft and curvy breasts? Well, have at it then. You are such a dirty boy! I I do have to admit that even I find those sweet-pillows very inviting, even seductive. Makes you want to reach out and touch a certain someone, doesn’t it? Now keep it in your pants and let’s move on.

I was talking with Isabella Valentine who just happens to one of my favorite PSOs. She’s smart, sassy, creative, classy and committed to providing a quality experience for her client base. Her professional integrity is beyond reproach. Isabella specializes in erotic hypnosis and is constantly adding new MP3s which are reasonably priced and yours to keep forever. So make sure to check out the selection and let’s just take a little peek at Isabella with blue hair, why don’t we?

Speaking of integrity, I found this article, The Man Who Said No to Wal-Mart, a while back and was so inspired by it that I’ve since printed it out and mailed it to family and friends. Read the article (which is extremely interesting) and I think you will see why one of my callers actually used it for a lecture in a business class he teaches and another ended up purchasing the Snapper lawn mower.

Okay, let’s see if you know who this is: In their neck of the woods, an electrician is a “sparky,” Englanders are referred to as “Poms” and graham crackers are called “teddy bear biscuits.” (And thank you, Mr. G. for teaching me these and so many other things. You are a delight.)

And I gave into my shoe fetish over the holiday weekend. Two new additions:

You like? I mean, you really can’t blame me. I had to do something in lieu of an Easter basket. I figured one for fun and one for really hot fun. If you know what I mean, Jelly Bean.

And last but not least, Bareback Magazine is featuring a story by Zen favorite, Jerotic, Doing it for Olivia. Very sexy. And naughty….very naughty. Which just happens to be just the way we like it.

xo, Angela

Just a little bit of stuff:

Well, I totally lost Pervert Savant’s next installment of Lingerie on the Razor-Wire. And at the most inopportune time as his PC is fried and he can’t get into his documents to rescue it from his own files to resend to me. We are working on a solution. Which just might be him forgiving me enough to rewrite the entire thing from memory.

***

I finally found a new physician and had scheduled an appointment for yesterday so that I could finally get some help with my allergies. I’d been wanting to change doctors and so had put this off for a while and was really looking forward to it. All ready to go, I went to leave and couldn’t find my keys. The minimum-wage phone-bitch who took my crazed and frustrated call was not sympathetic and even seemed a bit miffed. So FUCK HER. Now I need to find another new doctor.

***

My cable bill runs around $130.00 per month. I figure at that price, I should be able to turn on my television anytime of the day or night and be able to find something to watch. So why do I have to put up with info-infomercials on almost every station when I wake up in the middle of the night? I mean, come on! How much money do these people need?

***

If you get a chance you simply must check out South Park this week to see Fantastic Easter Special. Even after all this time, the writers are edgy, topical and just downright hilarious. No race, religion, person or idea is safe: anything or anybody is fair fodder for their gleeful and bloody skewering. This time religion gets its panties twisted in an episode ala The Da Vinci Code. What is the mystery behind the tradition of coloring easter eggs? What clues are hidden in The Last Supper? What is the “Hare” Club for Men and what is its mission?

***

One more thing. Even if you’re not a Nicholas Cage fan (and I’m not), you really should own a copy of Adaptation. And here is why.

xo, Angela

A certain gentleman sent me this, noting that when it comes to men and women, the man has one single rule to follow: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don’t get any points for doing something she expects.

Here is a guide to the point system:

SIMPLE DUTIES

You make the bed. (+1)
You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow. (0)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets. (-1)

You go out to buy her what she wants. (+5)
In the rain. (+8)
But return with beer. (-5)

You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing. (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something. (+5)
You pummel it with iron rod.(+10)
It’s her pet. (-10)

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS

You stay by her side the entire party. (0)
Then leave her side to chat with a college buddy. (-2)
Named Rita. (-4)
Rita is a dancer. (-6)
Rita is single and is really beautiful. (-80)

HER BIRTHDAY

You forget her birthday. (-50000)
You take her out to dinner. (0)
You take her out to dinner and it’s not a sports bar. (+1)
Okay, it’s a sports bar. (-2)
And it’s all-you-can-eat night. (-3)
And your face is painted the colors of your favorite team. (-10)

A NIGHT OUT

You take her to a movie. (+2)
You take her to a movie she likes. (+4)
You take her to a movie you hate. (+6)
You take her to a movie you like. (-2)
It’s called Death Cop. (-3)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans. (-15)

COMMUNICATION

When she talks to you about a problem you listen, looking concerned. (0)
You listen, for over 30 minutes. (+50)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV. (+500)
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep. (-10000)

***

Said gentleman concluded with asking me, “Now just what kind of a chance do you think a guy has?”

My answer: Absolutley none. So you might as well get used to it.