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Angela St. Lawrence is the reigning queen of high-end, long distance training and Femme Domme phone sex, providing esoteric depravity for the aficionado, specializing in Erotic Fetish, Female Domination, Cock Control, Kinky Taboo and Sensual Debauchery. To make an appointment or speak with Ms. St. Lawrence  ...


Mainstream Small Penis Humiliation

Found here, there and everywhere under a variety of titles:

1. I’ve smoked fatter joints than that.

2. Ahh, it’s cute.

3. Who circumcised you?

4. Why don’t we just cuddle?

5. You know they have surgery to fix that.

6. It’s more fun to look at.

7. Make it dance.

8. You know, there’s a tower in Italy like that.

9. Can I paint a smiley face on that?

10. It looks like a night crawler.

11. Wow, and your feet are so big.

12. My last boyfriend was 4” bigger.

13. It’s ok, we’ll work around it.

14. Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim?

15. Eww, there’s an inch worm on your thigh.

16. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?

17. Oh no, a flash headache.

18. (giggle and point)

19. Can I be honest with you?

20. My 8-year-old brother has one like that.

21. Let me go get my tweezers.

22. How sweet, you brought incense.

23. This explains your car.

24. You must be a growing boy.

25. Maybe if we water it, it’ll grow.

26. Thanks, I needed a toothpick.

27. Are you one of those pygmies?

28. Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?

29. Every heard of Clearasil?

30. All right, a treasure hunt!

31. I didn’t know they came that small.

32. Why is God punishing you?

33. At least this won’t take long.

34. I never saw one like that before.

35. What do you call this?

36. But it still works, right?

37. Damn, I hate baby-sitting.

38. It looks so unused.

39. Do you take steroids?

40. I hear excessive masturbation shrinks it.

41. Maybe it looks better in natural light.

42. Why don’t we skip right to the cigarettes?

43. Oh, I didn’t know you were in an accident.

44. Did you date Lorena Bobbitt?

45. Aww, it’s hiding.

46. Are you cold?

47. If you get me real drunk first.

48. Is that an optical illusion?

49. What is that?

50. I’ll go get the ketchup for your french fry.

51. Were you neutered?

52. It’s a good thing you have so many other talents.

53. Does it come with an air pump?

54. So this is why you’re supposed to judge people on personality.

55. Where are the puppet strings?

56. Your big gun is more like a BB gun.

57. Look, it fits my Barbie clothes.

58. Never mind, why bother.

59. Is that a second belly button?

60. Where’s the rest of it?

14 Responses to “Mainstream Small Penis Humiliation”

  1. Richard Says:

    I quoted part of this on Fetish Lore. Hopefully they’ll come read the whole list.

  2. Small Penis Humiliation: The Insults | Mistress V Says:

    […] I had a man send Me these funny little cock mocking insults, then I noticed My friend Angela St Lawrence had got them as well. […]

  3. Metro Sissy Says:

    I do believe you’ve said all of these things and more to me — at one time or another. Sweet Bliss, when coming from your sensual, cruel lips. You do seem to enjoy it too, I might add.

  4. HDB Says:

    Some very funny jabs.

  5. Mr. Smith Says:


  6. Supervert Says:

    All your female readers are no doubt committing these to memory!

  7. Shrimp Stick Says:

    I think I might have to give you a call so that you can try these out on me. Don’t they say that the truth will set you free?

  8. Isabel Says:

    That is fucking hilarious!! I love it.

  9. science nerd Says:

    I’ve seen cilia bigger than that. You give a whole new meaning to thread the needle. I guess you won’t need to put any KY in my navel.

  10. ZenFetish » Blog Archive » More Small Penis Humiliation Says:

    […] Well, I brought you a list last month.  And it was rather funny.  And, believe it or not, it can be fun to play that game with a caller into some Fem Domme verbal brutality.  Actually, I should merge these two lists, print them out and keep them handy for those kind of Phone Sex Mis-Adventures.  Anyway, here’s Round Two: […]

  11. ZenFetish » Blog Archive » Auld Lang Syne Says:

    […] was the kink du jour, so I was in turn a Righteous Bitch, a Heartless Vamp, and then I laughed my ass off while you begged for mercy.  Admit it, you loved every minute of […]

  12. The Peter Files Blog of Comedy Says:

    Such Feminista Man-Hating Comments Cannot Be Let Stand Without a Few Retorts:

    Sometimes small penis size is really just a reaction to a bad idea. Sorry girls, but you all ain’t Angelo Jolie and Dickie knows it…..

    1. Don’t worry Honey, with a cunt that large, I was planning to use my forehead instead anyway.

    2. It does seem small compared to that gash of yours, is it true that the National Forest Service is going to declare it a national park soon?

    3. What is that tattoo over your pussy, over 1,000,000 served?

    4. It just looks small compared to your clitty, are you sure that isn’t just a cock in disguise? You ARE a girl aren’t you?

    5. It was erect in my pants, but as soon as I got a whiff of the stench from your pussy it went into hiding. Two words for you: feminine hygiene. Don’t get it? One word: Douche.

    6. Well in the bar my dick thought you looked like Jennifer Garner, but now I’ve got you home, you look like James Garner. No wonder it’s not up and at ’em.

    7. You know, my last girlfriend looked like a horse, but was as sweet as could be, so little Johnny her popped up to 7-8 inches and made her smile all night. Now you look sweet as can be, but have been acting like horse shit all night. So all you get is 3 inches. You keep this kind of crap up, all you’ll get is the back door!

    8. Big things come in small packages, especially if you give them a little TLC. Tongue Licking Care! (5 inches later) See what I mean!

    9. Why don’t we start on you and see what comes up on my end of things?

    10. At least mine is real and can grow with a little work!

    Note: The Peter Files Blog of Comedy is safe for work and families and NEVER carries material such as the above. However, faced with such man-hating tripe as the above, one must balance the comedic field with satire and rapier like wit. Even if it is not rapier like.

  13. R U a Little Weenie Boy? | ZenFetish Says:

    […] why not go for the girth?  Make every word count and hit him with those words where it hurts the most?  Only, in this case, with pain — there’s no gain.  […]

  14. You Looking for Me? | ZenFetish Says:

    […] things to say to humiliate a small penis <batting eyelashes> […]

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