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Angela St. Lawrence is the reigning queen of high-end, long distance training and Femme Domme phone sex, providing esoteric depravity for the aficionado, specializing in Erotic Fetish, Female Domination, Cock Control, Kinky Taboo and Sensual Debauchery. To make an appointment or speak with Ms. St. Lawrence  ...

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Archive for July, 2007

What Men Do With Post-Its

Wednesday, July 11th, 2007

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From my sister’s forwarded email. As I’ve told you before, Bethany manages an insurance office, where they evidently have plenty of time to fuck off. At least that’s how it looks from my end. A lot of it I delete. But some of it is just too funny to resist. This one really made me laugh. How about you?

xo, Angela

Mainstream Small Penis Humiliation

Monday, July 9th, 2007

Found here, there and everywhere under a variety of titles:

1. I’ve smoked fatter joints than that.

2. Ahh, it’s cute.

3. Who circumcised you?

4. Why don’t we just cuddle?

5. You know they have surgery to fix that.

6. It’s more fun to look at.

7. Make it dance.

8. You know, there’s a tower in Italy like that.

9. Can I paint a smiley face on that?

10. It looks like a night crawler.

11. Wow, and your feet are so big.

12. My last boyfriend was 4” bigger.

13. It’s ok, we’ll work around it.

14. Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim?

15. Eww, there’s an inch worm on your thigh.

16. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?

17. Oh no, a flash headache.

18. (giggle and point)

19. Can I be honest with you?

20. My 8-year-old brother has one like that.

21. Let me go get my tweezers.

22. How sweet, you brought incense.

23. This explains your car.

24. You must be a growing boy.

25. Maybe if we water it, it’ll grow.

26. Thanks, I needed a toothpick.

27. Are you one of those pygmies?

28. Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?

29. Every heard of Clearasil?

30. All right, a treasure hunt!

31. I didn’t know they came that small.

32. Why is God punishing you?

33. At least this won’t take long.

34. I never saw one like that before.

35. What do you call this?

36. But it still works, right?

37. Damn, I hate baby-sitting.

38. It looks so unused.

39. Do you take steroids?

40. I hear excessive masturbation shrinks it.

41. Maybe it looks better in natural light.

42. Why don’t we skip right to the cigarettes?

43. Oh, I didn’t know you were in an accident.

44. Did you date Lorena Bobbitt?

45. Aww, it’s hiding.

46. Are you cold?

47. If you get me real drunk first.

48. Is that an optical illusion?

49. What is that?

50. I’ll go get the ketchup for your french fry.

51. Were you neutered?

52. It’s a good thing you have so many other talents.

53. Does it come with an air pump?

54. So this is why you’re supposed to judge people on personality.

55. Where are the puppet strings?

56. Your big gun is more like a BB gun.

57. Look, it fits my Barbie clothes.

58. Never mind, why bother.

59. Is that a second belly button?

60. Where’s the rest of it?

Foot Fetish

Friday, July 6th, 2007

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My hope is that when I finally settle down, I marry a man who has a foot fetish. Because I have a shoe fetish. Big time.

Of course, most people today are at least aware of this fetish, although perhaps many don’t truly appreciate it, questioning how someone could sexualize any body part besides the breasts, pussy and ass. Okay, maybe they can understand legs. But probably that is about as far as they can stretch their imaginations.

But, as I always tell my vanilla callers, they could do worse than developing a little foot fetish of their own. Because a man who can give a good foot massage is usually much appreciated by a woman who wears heels. We like it. It feels good. Give us bunches of it and you might just get lucky. You even just might get lucky more often!

And don’t forget to pay for our pedicures. Because we will then use our perfect, cute little feetsies to reinforce and expand your growing fetish. It is a delicious little game we will gladly play with you. Because everybody wins.

And you just might get a foot job.

And us? We get new shoes.

xo, Angela

Real Life

Tuesday, July 3rd, 2007

…has its way with you whether you want it to or not.

I live online as a somewhat frisky and perpetually perfect figment of many men’s imperfect imaginations. Even from this side of the telephone I’ve always thought this a bit unfair to the everyday women in the everyday lives of my callers. It’s not so hard to imagine being the woman on the other side of the kink-O-phone, because in my everyday life, I am that woman, myself. I am not always talking dirty or in the mood for kink. Unlike a wife or girlfriend or significant other, I can just sign off, when I’d rather read a book or see a movie.

So I do live a life outside of the kink-O-phone and –surprise– it is not always pretty or happy or perfect. Which happens to be the case right now. Someone I care about deeply is going through some very tough times. So in lieu of making money I’ve been being a friend. But you know what? There is always more money. Always. But there isn’t always a next time when it comes to matters of the heart. And I am being where I need to be.

I know quite a few of you have been trying to reach me and I will be around as much as I can. You can always write (zenfetish@angelastlawrence.com) or arrange a call. I will respond, one way or the other. And I really will be putting in some full phone days in the very near future.

In the meantime, a moiety of possibilities:

  • Creepy Older Guy: This is a new blog by a caller who is NOT creepy at all. By default, my callers are never creeps, dontcha know? In fact, this caller happens to be, as you you will see in reading by his blog(in which he addresses “sexual addiction, bad recovery, rage, culture and a certain undeniable sweetness”), certainly wise and even a bit wonderful.
  • Monk-ee business!
  • Talk Dirty To Me: Overheard at the STD Clinic
  • Have you ever wanted to read Venus in Furs?
  • I want a Prezzle. Will somebody please buy me one?
  • Food for Thought from The Professor: Cat on a Hot Tin Roof = Poached Pussy
  • Sexy Quotes collected by me, me, me.
  • Another Caller’s blog: Prurient Interests Very good stuff and much fun to read.
  • Let’s move to Transylvania, vy don’t ve, dahlink?
  • Adult webmasters are welcome to list their sites at Polyfetishist: A Directory of Erotic Pluralism. It has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?
  • Would you like to learn to talk dirty, yet command respect?
  • In answer to the letters I received from Carly, Anna, Star, Kathy Q., Misty, Lizzie G., and Sugar Baby: A good place to start if you are interested in the adult industry is at Sexy Jobs. Read here for some very good advice/info regarding PSO jobs.
  • Some people just bitch, bitch, bitch! Geeze….
  • If you find yourself on the servile side of sexual shenanigans, I cannot urge you enough to check out Richard, a most erudite and wise sub-slave.
  • And if you’ve got the need to talk dirty right here, right now and I’m no where in sight, may I recommend Isabel Blyss. She’s new on the block and ready, willing and able. Call her before her prices go up. Tell her Angela sent you and she just might be extra nice.

See Ya.

xo, Angela