Um, I don’t really know what in the hell that is supposed to mean, except, maybe … well …

It’s a bitch to come back to the phones after being ill for so long, actually missing the good guys (yes, you!), looking forward to some grown-up, intelligent fun, only to have my first two or three NEW callers be jerky boy types.  And not in a good way.  I’ve mentioned before that I have a kinda-sorta list re. to the specialty call I am offering at a particular extension; it is guide — a guide ONLY — no more, no less.  Let’s take a look, shall we?

Prick Tease:  Carnal Control for Chronic Strokers

# guided masturbation
# blue ball busting
# femdom hand job
# delayed gratification
# compulsatory abstinence
# chastity by constraint
# cock-stroke countdown
# pussy worship
# obedience school
# sensual humilation
# financial fuckery
# stunt cock training
# clothed female, naked male
# multiple call tease
# hypnotic induction
# thigh, foot, heel humping
# induced flacidity
# cock-leash conditioning
# coitus interruptus
# female authority
# ruined orgasms
# disciplined monogamy
# prostate milking
# face sitting & queening
# cock & ball bondage
# public exhibition

Pretty self explanatory, yes?  no?  maybe?  enuff said — at the very least?  Well, if you’re into THE TEASE, it should certainly be enuff said, end of story, call and get busy.  But … nooooooooo!  Seems the occasional caller has to go down the list and ask:  How do you ruin an orgasm.  Just exactly how would obedience school be?  In what ways to you do stunt cock training?  Oooh, cock leash conditioning — how would you train me with a cock leash?  … and on and on and on and on.

After the drill, the interrogation, the endless academic and boring queries (which I might note is about as sexy as immersing oneself in stagnant tarn water), who in the fuck has any energy or desire to turn to serious kinky play?  Because, at that point, the caller has shot himself in the foot, he’s erased the mystery, ordered and numbered the possibilities into a nice little kinda-sorta periodical table of kinks, and the thrill of it all has become the rote and boring house-wife kitchen encounter … pallid, sexless, blanched and skinny-weak BORING.

I try.  Oh, yes, I really do try!   I try to explain that endless questions, the need to pin it down, define, categorize and make it stay in its own little neat and tidy place is NOT NOT NOT the way to go about the Phone Sex Experience.  A Femdom HandJob is never, ever the same.  Obedience School has a new instructors every day.  There are two people on the telephone, two people creating, feeding, inspiring — the nature of the superior encounter is to just listen, groove, connect, explore, let go.  LET GO!!!  Maybe I should rephrase this:  If you stroke it, it will cum.

That’s all you need to know, buster.  You and me and the moments of our time together are a one-time happening — opening, flowing, burgeoning with all that we have yet to discover.

It’s better that way:  Trust me on this.  And the next time you call — if you’re so inclined — will be another brand new cumbustion.  Doesn’t that sound better?

Part II of this GENTLE NUDGE, PHONE SEX RANT, FEMDOM BITCH FEST — call it what you will:

Hanging up on your girl is just not smart.  Because — once the strap-ons, the sissy panties, the stilletos, the leather, the cat-o-nine tails, the nipple clamps, et. al are put away — we really are earth girls and you need to be polite!  I’ve never blocked a man from calling me because of his fantasy or desires — no matter how kinky or downright grotesque — but I’ve blocked plenty due to rudeness.  Hanging up without a polite goodbye translates into crudeness and stupidty — I don’t tolerate these character defects in my friends and associates, so why would I tolerate them in callers?

The second reason you should play nice (and it really isn’t that hard; surely you’ve mastered the skll in your everyday real life?) is that nice begets nice.  I treat good boys well.  I’m assuming other Phone Sex gals do the same.  We have the ability to discount a call now and then for you.  Or give you free minutes.  And treat you extra special in a zillion different ways that can’t be quantified or qualified.  Do you really want to fuck with that and mess it up?

xo, Angela

Four United States Presidents got caught up in a tornado and were whirled off to the land of OZ.

They finally made it to the Emerald City and went to find the Great Wizard .

"What brings the 4 of you before the great Wizard of Oz," boomed the Great Wizard.

Jimmy Carter stepped forward timidly and said:  "I’ve come for some courage."

"No Problem! said the Wizard . Who’s next?"

Richard Nixon stepped forward, "Well, I think I need a heart."

"Done," says the Wizard, "who comes next before the Great and Powerful Oz?"

Up stepped George Bush and said, "I’m told by the American people that I need a brain."

"No problem," said the Wizard, "consider it done!"

And then …

…and then there is a great silence in the hall.

Bill Clinton was just standing there, looking around.  But not saying a word.

Irritated, the Wizard finally asks, "Well, what do you want?"

President Clinton dipped his head, looking shyly up at the Great Wizard.  And then he finally spoke.

"Er, ummm, well …   Is Dorothy here?

***

Thanks so much to my dear Booklover for sending the above.  He’s a caller, a steadfast blog fan and a good buddy.  And despite he being right and me being left, we somehow always meet deliciously and very in the middle. 

***

So I’ve been very ill and with a steadfast, determined little bug of an infection that went from one ear to another ear and then to both ears — and even went with me to visit two doctors, neither of whom got it right and only time seemed to heal this wound.  But I do believe that healed it finally is and I am finally back in the swing of things, so don’t be a stranger, but please do be strange.

***

A lot has happened while I was down for the count and I will try to catch us up with it all in the next few days, so please stay tuned.

xo, Angela