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Archive for August, 2008

Superman’s a Bitch

Thursday, August 21st, 2008

 

But sometimes he’s a sissy boy.  At least here at Zen Fetish.

Then again, maybe he’s a switch and/or a switch hitter:

It’s Saturday night and Superman is especially ready to party after a hard week of saving the world. So he throws on his cape and heads off to a party.

Along the way, he passes Wonder Woman’s penthouse suite. To his surprise, he sees through her open window that she is still at home, naked in her bed, lying on her back. Superman thinks to himself, "I’m faster than a speeding bullet. I can fly in there, have sex with her and be gone before she knows it."

So in an instant, Superman flies in, does the deed, and flies back out.

At this point, Wonder Woman sits up and says, "Did you hear something?" "No," replies the Invisible Man, "but my butt is killing me.

Picture found at the awesome blog of Porno Person

xo, Angela

***

Pssst … Hey you!  Yeah, you, PQS!   Thank you.  It was just what I needed.  You’re a true pal. 

***

Oh, and here’s a bunch of dirty pictures

Queen for a Night

Wednesday, August 20th, 2008

… well, kinda sorta.

This is really just a quick heads up for my Cross Dressing men and their admirers (the guys who’d like to find the special surprise in those panties).  But readers of Sweat Shop Sissy and Slip of a Girl and visitor’s to Vintage TV Lover’s Flicker Collection might also want to take note.

In the newest installment of Bravo TV‘s enormously popular and award-winning Project Runway (aptly titled GOOD QUEEN FUN), the contestants design outfits for a group of (as this season’s Blayne would say) "trans-licious" drag queens.  It’s just a whole lot of fun watching Miss Understood, Annida Greenkard, Sharon Needles, Hedda Lettuce and the rest of the girls strutting their stuff in their specially designed duds.

It should come as no surprise that RuPaul is a guest judge and the flamboyant Chris March (regular viewers will remember him from last season) is kinda-sorta the master of ceremonies, which just puts the butter cream frosting on the not-such-a-fruit cake.  If you’re new to the show, pay particular attention to Tim Gunn, who’s a fashion guru and seriously nice guy.  We could all learn a lot from him.  We could even buy his book, TIM GUNN’S GUIDE TO STYLE (hardcover, of course).

The show will be repeating again tomorrow evening and (most likely)  throughout the week.  So check your local line-up to see if you can catch it

And if you love bitchy women, stick around to catch the premiere of  Tabatha’s Salon Takeover.  Tabatha Coffey is the sleekly coiffed contestant from the first season of Shear Genius who terrorized the lilliputian Tyson — and it was just so much fun to watch.  She’s bitchy, she’s haughty and she takes no prisoners.  I am so looking forward to this Goddess kicking ass and taking names with her very own show.

xo, Angela

You Might Have a Small Penis

Tuesday, August 19th, 2008

(For my Small Penis Humilation Junkies, adapted from the PIC blog.)

You Might Have a Small Penis if …

  • you sort through hundreds of emails in your spam folder every week, vigilantly marking every penis enlargement ad as "Not Spam."
  • women refer to your happy trail as the "trail of tears."
  • you’ve never been able to figure out why there’s a slit in your boxers.
  • a man at a bar has ever seen you, talked with you, felt your crotch, and STILL mistaken you for a woman.
  • girls affectionately refer to giving you a handjob as "pushing your button."
  • you think deep-throating is just a musical skill practiced by bass vocalists.
  • you’ve ever tried to cave your penis in on itself, and succeeded long enough to have inverse cock sex with a man.
  • it’s been mistaken for your belly button.
  • you refuse to watch porn because it’s "totally unrealistic."
  • you refer to the part of your penis below the head as the "neck."
  • you have to "look around" before you pull it out at the urinals.
  • you tell a girl to get ready for your manhood, and she giggles.
  • you tell yourself its perfectly normal to shower in your boxers in the locker room.
  • you put a condom on, and it slips off.
  • you hold your condom in place with rubber bands
  • you refer to masturbating as "pumping your sawed-off.
  • your foreskin hangs two inches past the tip…and you’re circumcised.
  • you encountered a genie and made the mistake of asking for a little head.
  • you own two sets of tweezers because one is designated solely for "unmentionables.
  • you’ve ever gotten a girl to agree to nasal sex because "well, it won’t hurt to try."
  • your girlfriend whistles It’s a Small World After All during sex.
  • your penis says YOU’RE small, but you know he’s just bitter.
  • you get blowjobs from amoebas.
  • your girlfriend brings a shrimp fork to bed.
  • you need to shave your pubes in order to urinate.
  • your girlfriend’s clit is larger than your penis.
  • your nickname has always been Little Willie 

(And if this just wasn’t any fun, well — go look at lots and lots of dirty pictures.)

Cath-O-Licks

Monday, August 18th, 2008

Nun-Sense

One day a nun was standing on the side of the road waiting for a cab. A cab stopped and picked her up. During the ride she noticed that the driver was staring at her.

When she asked him why, he said, "I want to ask you something, but I don’t want to offend you."

She said, "You can’t offend me. I have been a nun long enough that I have heard just about everything."

The cab driver then said, "Well, I’ve always had a fantasy to have a nun give me a blow job."

She said, "Well, perhaps we can work something out under two conditions. You have to be single, and you have to be Catholic."

Immediately the cab driver said, "Oh, yes! I’m single and I’m Catholic!"

The nun said, "Okay, pull into that alley."

The cab driver pulled into the alley and the nun went to work. Shortly afterwards, the cab driver started crying.

The nun said, "My child, what’s the matter?"

He said tearfully, "Sister, I have sinned. I lied, I lied…I’m married and I’m Jewish!"

The nun replied, "That’s okay. My name’s Bruce and I’m on my way to a costume party!"

Box Donation

A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, "I almost had an affair with another woman."

The pr iest said, "What do you mean, almost?"

The Irishman said, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then stopped."

The priest said, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You’re not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary’s and put $50 in the poor box."

The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave.

The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, "I saw that. You didn’t put any money in the poor box!"

The Irishman replied, "Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that’s the same as putting it in!"

Where’s God?

Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous. They are always getting into trouble — so much so that whenever mischief occurs in their town, they are usually the first to blame.  

The boys’ mother finally approached the parish priest, asking if he would speak with her boys. The priest agreed, but he asked to see them individually. So the mother sent the 8 year old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the priest in the afternoon.

The priest, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Do you know where God is, son?" The boy’s mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open. So the priest repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?" Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. The priest raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy’s face and bellowed, "Where is God?" The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.

When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "what happened?" The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time. GOD is missing, and they think we did it!"

Lemon Squeeze

There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession. Upon entering the confessional, she said, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned."

The priest said, "Confess your sins and be forgiven."

The young woman said, "Last night my boyfriend made mad, passionate love to me seven times."

The priest thought long and hard and then said, "Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink the juice."

The young woman asked, "Will this cleanse me of my sins?"

The priest said, "No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face."

Donation

Father O’Malley answers the phone. "Hello, is this Father O’Malley?"

It is!

"This is the Internal Revenue Service. Can you help us?"

I can!

"Do you know a Ted Houlihan?"

I do!

"Is he a member of your congregation?"

He is!

"Did he donate $10,000 to the church?"

He will.

Confession

An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues:

Man:  I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel,  where I had sex with each of them three times.

Priest:  Are you sorry for your sins?

Man:  What sins?

Priest:  What kind of a Catholic are you?

Man:  I’m Jewish.

Priest:  Why are you telling me all this?

Man:  I’m 92 years old . . . I’m telling everybody!

 

 

The Joy of Sox — to Fedora

Sunday, August 17th, 2008

Jerotic (who’s a good buddy of this blog, showing up here and there, now and again) sends my way: 

Hello, everyone! Here’s a summary (because the weather is summery) of some recent JE publication news.
 http://www.xcitebooks.com/
Tasting Her: Oral Sex Stories, edited by Rachel Kramer Bussel, is now available, as is the companion book, Tasting Him. My piece in "Her" (ooh, that sounds … nice) is called "Cavanaugh’s Ridge." As it happens, I’ve been reading all the other writers’ stories over the past few days, and having a most wonderful time. The roster includes, among others, Lisette Ashton, Emerald, Shanna Germain, Sommer Marsden, Gwen Masters, Craig J. Sorensen, Donna George Storey, Alison Tyler, and Kristina Wright!
 
Meanwhile, my story "Any Friend of Hers" appears in a new Xcite books collection called Satisfy Me. [Cue "Satisfaction" guitar riff: enh-enh, enhnenhNENH-enhnenhnenhnenhnenh …] I’m sharing a table of contents with Elizabeth Cage and Kristina Wright in this one!

And coming up (like a flower–remember that song?) …
I was recently given the opportunity of participating in a wonderful program called Burlesque Against Breast Cancer. And, being the way I am, I had stripped down to my rudiments before I realized that the commodity under discussion was a display of Jeremy writing, not a display of Jeremy flesh. So I got dressed again and wrote a story … and I’m delighted to announce that it will be included in Ultimate Burlesque, a volume of burlesque-themed erotica that will benefit Macmillan Cancer Support. The book is being edited by Emily Dubberley and Alyson Fixter of Scarlet magazine, and will be published by Xcite. Authors include Portia Da Costa, Maxim Jakubowski, Kristina Lloyd, Nikki Magennis, Donna George Storey, and Alison Tyler!

Early in ’09, my story "Francine’s Kid" will be published in Coming Together: At Last (ed. Alessia Brio), a two-volume collection of erotica that will benefit the heroic human-rights organization Amnesty International. Each story in this collection involves characters who are different races from each other sharing love/sex/lust. The book’s release is intentionally timed around Martin Luther King Day. Erotica, racial harmony, Dr. King, human rights … I’m damn proud to be part of this! And I’m damn proud to be between the double covers with writers like Jolie Du Pré, Sacchi Green, Saskia Walker, and Allison Wonderland!

http://www.eroticanthology.com/atlast.htm
And I’m also super-excited to be able to say that a piece of mine called "Human" has been selected for inclusion in an anthology put together by the folks at Oysters & Chocolate! This collection will be released by NAL/Penguin in May, 2009. The O&C website is the home to a number of my stories, and I’m thrilled to be part of the first O&C book. (I don’t know the table of contents for this one yet.)
 
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Ultimate-Burlesque-Emily-Dubberley/dp/1906373639/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1217958961&sr=8-1 
 

from socks to fedora,
Jeremy
http://jerotic.blogspot.com
www.myspace.com/jerotic

 

 

 Hmmm …. I think I just might write to Jeremy and ask him for one of his little short stories to feature here.  I mean, after all, it has been a while, and he certainly never disappoints.  His writing is clever and sexy — with a scrumptious dose of whimsey that tickles my funny bone along with a few other of my parts.  He also happens to be one heck-of-a nice guy.  You, dear reader, should be gone now:  off to add to your ever-growing erotica collection.

xo, Angela