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Archive for December, 2008

Contemplating Privilege

Wednesday, December 17th, 2008

That was then, this is now.  Pre-election, I just wasn’t sure I wanted to publish this.  After all, pundits abound, and I am surely not one of them.  Nor am I a political scholar by any stretch of anyone’s imagination.  But this moved me deeply, opened my eyes a bit wider — I felt it was important.  To share or not to share?  What to do, what to do? 

It really was a conundrum for me because I cared so deeply about this election.  Even so, this is just my little Phone Sex blog — no illusions of grandeur or pretentious pontificating.  And I did try so hard I tried to keep my political inclinations (some might call them "passions") to myself back in the there.  There were certainly smarter and more experienced people than me studying, analyzing and blogging every little election nuance.

But …

… we’re on the other side of all that now.  And I want to put this this here now, really just to keep it handy.   I hope that — in retrospect, on this side of then — you might find this (sent to me from there — via email from Mr. Anonymous Caller and Gleeful Partner in Crime) at the very least interesting and maybe even something to contemplate: 

  • What if John McCain were a  former president of the Harvard Law Review?  And Barack Obama finished fifth from the bottom of his graduating class?
  • What if  McCain were still married to the first woman he said "I do" to?  And Obama were the candidate who left his first wife after she no  longer measured up to his standards?
  • What if Michelle Obama  were a wife who not only became addicted to pain killers, but  acquired them illegally through her charitable organization?
  • What  if Cindy McCain graduated from Harvard?
  • What if Obama were a  member of the "Keating 5"?
  • What if McCain was a charismatic, eloquent speaker?
     

    If these questions reflected reality, do you really believe the election numbers would be as close as they  are?  This is what racism does. It covers up, rationalizes and  minimizes positive qualities in one candidate and emphasizes negative qualities in another when there is a color  difference.

    For those who still can’t grasp the concept of white privilege, or who are constantly looking for some easy-to-understand examples of it, perhaps this  list will help.


    •  White privilege is when you can get pregnant at seventeen like Bristol Palin and everyone is quick to insist that your life and that of your family is a personal matter, and that no one has a right to judge you or your parents, because "every family has challenges," even as black and Latino families with similar "challenges" are regularly typified as irresponsible, pathological and arbiters of social decay.
    • White privilege is when you can call yourself a "fuckin’ redneck," like Bristol Palin’s boyfriend does, and talk about how if anyone messes with you, you’ll "kick their fuckin’ ass," and talk about how you like to "shoot shit" for fun, and still be viewed as a responsible, all-American boy (and a great son-in-law to be) rather than a thug.
    • White privilege is when you can attend four different colleges in six years like Sarah Palin did (one of which you basically failed out of, then returned to after making up some coursework at a community college),and no one questions your intelligence or commitment to achievement, whereas a person of color who did this would be viewed as unfit for college, and probably someone who only got in in the first place because of affirmative action.
    • White privilege is when you can claim that being mayor of a town smaller than most medium-sized colleges, and then Governor of a state with about the same number of people as the lower fifth of the island of Manhattan, makes you ready to potentially be president, and people don’t all piss on themselves with laughter, while being a black U.S. Senator, two-term state Senator, and constitutional law scholar, means you’re "untested."
    • White privilege is being able to say that you support the words "under God" in the pledge of allegiance because "if it was good enough for the founding fathers, it’s good enough for me," and not be immediately disqualified from holding office–since, after all, the pledge was written in the late 1800s and the "under God" part wasn’t added until the 1950s–while believing that reading accused criminals and terrorists their rights (because, ya know, the Constitution, which you used to teach at a prestigious law school requires it), is a dangerous and silly idea only supported by mushy liberals.
    • White privilege is being able to be a gun enthusiast and not make people immediately scared of you.
    • White privilege is being able to have a husband who was a member of an extremist political party that wants your state to secede from the Union, and whose motto was "Alaska first," and no one questions your patriotism or that of your family, while if you’re black and your spouse merely fails to come to a 9/11 memorial so she can be home with her kids on the first day of school, people immediately think she’s being disrespectful.
    • White privilege is being able to make fun of community organizers and the work they do–like, among other things, fight for the right of women to vote, or for civil rights, or the 8-hour workday, or an end to child labor–and people think you’re being pithy and tough, but if you merely question the experience of a small town mayor and 18-month governor with no foreign policy expertise beyond a class she took in college–you’re somehow being mean, or even sexist.
    •  White privilege is being able to convince white women who don’t even agree with you on any substantive issue to vote for you and your running mate anyway, because all of a sudden your presence on the ticket has inspired confidence in these same white women, and made them give your party a "second look."
    • White privilege is being able to fire people who didn’t support your political campaigns and not be accused of abusing your power or being a typical politician who engages in favoritism, while being black and merely knowing some folks from the old-line political machines in Chicago means you must be corrupt.
    •  White privilege is being able to attend churches over the years whose pastors say that people who voted for John Kerry or merely criticize George W. Bush are going to hell, and that the U.S. is an explicitly Christian nation and the job of Christians is to bring Christian theological principles into government, and who bring in speakers who say the conflict in the Middle East is God’s punishment on Jews for rejecting Jesus, and everyone can still think you’re just a good church-going Christian, but if you’re black and friends with a black pastor who has noted (as have Colin Powell and the U.S. Department of Defense) that terrorist attacks are often the result of U.S. foreign policy and who talks about the history of racism and its effect on black people, you’re an extremist who probably hates America.
    •  White privilege is not knowing what the Bush Doctrine is when asked by a reporter, and then people get angry at the reporter for asking you such a "trick question," while being black and merely refusing to give one-word answers to the queries of Bill O’Reilly means you’re dodging the question, or trying to seem overly intellectual and nuanced.
    •  White privilege is being able to claim your experience as a POW has  anything at all to do with your fitness for president, while being black and experiencing racism is, as Sarah Palin has referred to it a "light" burden.
    •  And finally, white privilege is the only thing that could possibly allow someone to become president when he has voted with George W. Bush 90 percent of the time, even as unemployment is skyrocketing, people are losing their homes, inflation is rising, and the U.S. is increasingly isolated from world opinion, just because white voters aren’t sure about that whole "change" thing. Ya know, it’s just too vague and ill-defined, unlike, say, four more years of the same, which is very concrete and certain.

      White privilege is, in short, the problem.

      Tim Wise is the author of White Like Me (Soft Skull, 2005, revised 2008)

What I remember most about Election Night 2008, was seeing Jessie Jackson, standing amidst that sea of people, crying as he watched Barack Obama give his acceptance speech.  Mr. Jackson is not my cup of tea.  I know people who’ve had … well, we’ll just say "experiences" with him.  But all of what I know about the dark side of Mr. Jackson didn’t matter.  Here was this man, this black man, seeing the first African American elected to the presidency.  What was he feeling?  What did this mean to him?  Even now — thinking about that — I am totally blown away.

I am not black.  I’m just a generic little white girl.  I will never know what Jessie Jackson and millions of black Americans were feeling at that moment. But  can appreciate it.  And I can be proud of America and her big leap forward.  A Will.i.am said, "I’ve been fighting for tomorrow all of my life." 

America’s got a lot of stuff broken right now.  But we’ll get through it.  We always do.  When we’re in the crunch we always join hands and hearts and figure things out.  But for the first time in history, we will be one, big cohesive group … all for one and one for all.  Really.  Not for pretend, but really.  And doesn’t that just fucking rock?

Well, Will.i.am, this truly is a new day.  And it is my privilege to step into it with you.

xo, Angela 

Do you hear what Elmo and Rosie hear?

Just to Get You in That Holiday Mood

Monday, December 15th, 2008

 

Kinda-Sorta Like Princess Phone Sex

Thursday, December 11th, 2008

Sex Goddess

by Maggie Estep

I am THE SEX GODDESS OF THE WESTERN HEMISPHERE
so don’t mess with me
I’ve got a big bag full of SEX TOYS
and you can’t have any
’cause they’re all mine
’cause I’m
the SEX GODDESS OF THE WESTERN HEMISPHERE.

"Hey," you may say to yourself,
"who the hell’s she tryin’ to kid,
she’s no sex goddess,"
But trust me,
I am
if only for the fact that I have
the unabashed gall
to call
myself a SEX GODDESS,
I mean, after all,
it’s what so many of us have at some point thought,
we’ve all had someone
who worshipped our filthy socks
and barked like a dog when we were near
giving us cause
to pause and think: You know, I may not look like much
but deep inside, I am a SEX GODDESS.

Only
we’d never come out and admit it publicly
well, you wouldn’t admit it publicly
but I will
because I am
THE SEX GODDESS OF THE WESTERN HEMISPHERE.

I haven’t always been
a SEX GODDESS
I used to be just a mere mortal woman
but I grew tired of sexuality being repressed
then manifest
in late night 900 number ads
where 3 bodacious bimbettes
heave cleavage into the camera’s winking lens and sigh:

"Big Girls oooh, Bad Girls oooh, Blonde Girls oooh,
you know what to do, call 1-900-UNMITIGATED BIMBO ooooh."

Yeah
I got fed up with the oooh oooh oooh oooh oooh
I got fed up with it all
so I put on my combat boots
and hit the road with my bag full of SEX TOYS
that were a vital part of my SEX GODDESS image
even though I would never actually use
my SEX TOYS
’cause my being a SEX GODDESS
it isn’t a SEXUAL thing
it’s a POLITICAL thing
I don’t actually have SEX, no
I’m too busy taking care of
important SEX GODDESS BUSINESS,
yeah,
I gotta go on The Charlie Rose Show
and MTV and become a parody
of myself and make
buckets full of money off my own inane brand
of self-righteous POP PSYCHOLOGY
because my pain is different
because I am a SEX GODDESS
and when I talk,
people listen
why ?
Because, you guessed it,
I AM THE SEX GODDESS OF THE WESTERN HEMISPHERE
and you’re not.

***

She’s a most astute observer, this poetess Maggie Estep.  I giggled and giggled and giggled some more.  Bitchy would get the why of it.  So would a few readers.  

What?  I’m so glad you asked.  Yes,  there is a website.  And lots of books.  I’m kinda-sorta digging this anthology

And Ms. Estep likes dogs.  All good people should like dogs.  I like dogs.  Except … I’m just too pussy to step up to the responsibility.  Which explains Fredrick the Cross-Dressing Cat, who sleeps on my hip most nights. 

why?

because I AM A SEX GODDESS

and you’re not.

xo, Angela

A Soulful Christmas with James Brown

 

 

His First Blowjob!

Wednesday, December 10th, 2008

So a guy walks into a bar and tells the bartender to serve him up six shots of vodka.

"Six shots," the bartender exclaims.  "What’s the occasion?"  He lines up six shot glasses and begins pouring the vodka.

"My first blowjob."

"Wow!," says the bartender, putting a seventh glass on the bar.  "In that case here’s your six and a seventh one on me."

"Thanks," says the guy, "but the seventh still won’t get the taste of penis out of my mouth."

****

I’ve been showing you a lot of stuff that I’d saved for you (the above having been saved from my sister’s email).  It is here and there and everywhere in between.  And there’s lots more, just don’t you worry.  Christmas shopping and wrapping in between regular life and Phone Sex calls is keeping me seriously busy.  So that’s my excuse.  You were gonna see it sooner or later, so why not now?

You do see my point  … yes???

But I HAVEN’T FORGOTTEN YOU.  Not in the least, nor even for a milisecond.

xo, Angela

Tis the Season:  A Christmas Miracle. 
That Holiday standard:  Yingle Bells
Santa Baby:  Just slip a little something under the tree.

Fuck O Fuck O Fuck ~ Oh Yes!

Tuesday, December 9th, 2008