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Angela St. Lawrence is the reigning queen of high-end, long distance training and Femme Domme phone sex, providing esoteric depravity for the aficionado, specializing in Erotic Fetish, Female Domination, Cock Control, Kinky Taboo and Sensual Debauchery. To make an appointment or speak with Ms. St. Lawrence  ...

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Archive for June, 2009

Laugh. Just Laugh.

Thursday, June 11th, 2009

 HILLBILLY VASECTOMY

After their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed.  So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his
cousin didn’t want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. "A less costly alternative," said the doctor, "is to go home, get a cherry bomb (fireworks are legal in Alabama), light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10."

The Alabamian said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don’t see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me."

"Trust me," said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count:

"1"

"2"

"3"

"4"

"5"

At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and continued counting on his other hand.

This procedure also works in Tennessee, Kentucky, Louisiana, Arkansas, Mississippi, Missouri, Florida, West Virginia, South Carolina, and Washington DC.

___________________________________

A MAN WHO KNOWS HIS MATH

He writes:

I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver who cut right in front of a pickup truck, causing the driver to drive onto the shoulder to avoid hitting her.  This evidently angered the driver enough that he hung his arm out his window and gave the woman the finger.

"Man, that guy is stupid," I thought to myself. I ALWAYS smile nicely and wave in a sheepish manner whenever a female does anything to me in traffic, and here’s why:

I drive 48 miles each way every day to work.

That’s 96 miles each day.

Of these, 16 miles each way is bumper-to-bumper

Most of the bumper-to-bumper is on an 8 lane highway.

There are 7 cars every 40 feet for 32 miles.

That works out to 982 cars every mile, or 31,424 cars.

Even though the rest of the 32 miles is not bumper-to-bumper, I figure I pass at least another 4000 cars. That brings the total number to something like 36,000 cars that I pass every day.

Statistically, females drive half of these. That’s 18,000 women drivers!

In any given group of females, 1 in 28 has PMS.

That’s 642.

According to Cosmopolitan, 70% describe their love life as dissatisfying or unrewarding.

That’s 449.

According to the National Institute of Health, 22% of all females have seriously considered suicide or homicide.

That’s 98.

And 34% describe men as their biggest problem.

That’s 33.

According to the National Rifle Association, 5% of all females carry weapons and this number is increasing.

That means that EVERY SINGLE DAY, I drive past at least one female that has a lousy love life, thinks men are her biggest problem, has seriously considered suicide or homicide, has PMS, and is armed.

Give her the finger?

I don’t think so.
___________________________________

ABOUT MEN

What’s the difference between a boyfriend and husband?

     ~~45 minutes.

What’s the fastest way to a man’s heart?

     ~~Through the chest with a sharp knife.

Why do men want to marry virgins?

     ~~They can’t stand criticism.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring and good looking?

     ~~Because those men already have boyfriends.

___________________________________

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Phone Sex Advice of the Day

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This Porn’s For You

Monday, June 8th, 2009

 

Phone Sex Burnout

Friday, June 5th, 2009

Well, I guess I’ve been a bad girl.

… a very bad girl!  Because even Lyndee came looking for me.  And OMG!  The emails waiting for me this a.m. 

Sorry I’ve been away for a while.  Alas!  Life happens and it just sometimes kicks your ass.  As it just did mine.  A family member was in the hospital (all is well now), a college friend attempted suicide (she’s okay now and getting help), and I’d volunteered to do some fun raising for a cause near and dear to my heart.  Concurrently, my PC was having more issues than I cared to deal with.  It all hit at once … and I just needed time to regroup.  Which for me, since I spend sooo much time at this PC, meant getting totally away from it.  And so I did.  I wasn’t anywhere near this blog or my email.  I did take some calls here and there, but mostly I was MIA

Which …

Brings up the occasional happenstance of PHONE SEX BURNOUT.  Not a particularly popular topic when reading Phone Sex Blogs.  Because we’re all Goddesses, dontcha know?  And we never have anything close to "real life" happening around us.  We’re too busy being perfect, beautiful, sexy and always in THE MOOD.  Ummmm.  Sure. 

Anyway, for the rest of you:  Yeah, it happens.  And when life throws you a bunch of curve balls all at once, well … what’s a girl to do?  You do what I did and have done and will continue to do:  You take a break and incorporate some personalized TLC into your life.   Which, come to think of it, can be rather Goddess-like, when that TLC consists of not only some quiet reading time, but a trip to the day spa and nail salon.  And some shoe shopping.  There just has to be shoe shopping in any female’s emotional rehabilitation.  Right?

In all seriousness, I do think it makes sense to take a break now and then.  Those of you who know me well, know I am really into health — emotional, physical and spiritual.  I take a shitload of vitamins and herbs, exercise regularly and struggle with my spiritual fuck-ups daily.  The simple and bottom line is balance.  An easy concept, but lots of work to pull off when you tend to be a bit obsessive and hyper-active, as I am.  Yes I am.  I know it, I own it.  It is what makes some of you love me, and it is what wears me down at times.

My callers should be happy that I take that break when I need it.  After all, if I’m not with you one hundred percent, why should I be taking your money?  It’s not fair to you.  In fact, I’d go so far as to say that it’s downright unethical.  When I’m with you, you deserve all of me.  You deserve my undivided attention, my passion for your particular fantasy, and my commitment to making that fantasy absolutely glitter for you.  It’s what I strive to do each and every time.  If I’m not up to my own standards, then I shouldn’t be taking your calls.

You know, occasionally, a guy will say to  me, "I wish my girlfriend were more like you," and I always jump to the defense of his wife.  It isn’t her job to be a Goddess.  It is so unfair to compare the woman you love with the fantasy of me or any other Phone Sex Operator, be we Goddesses, MILFs, Barely Legal Teens or whatever.  In fact, many of us are all of those and more; it just depends on where and how you find us.  This is for fun.  Don’t you dare mix it up with your real life and the real women in your life.

The bottom line is that I am a real girl in my everyday life … the girl next door.  I am a sister, a daughter, a friend, even a girlfriend by day and a Goddess by night.  Or sometimes vice verse, but you get the picture.  So the girl next door took some time off to be there for the people I love and who needed me.  But I’m here.  Yup, right where you expected to find me.

Oh, and I’m back in Goddess mode … so don’t fuck with me.

Or else!

xo, Angela

_____________

FYI … I will be working Saturday and Sunday.  Today I’ve got to go to the gym and hit the beauty salon.  Then it’s dinner and a show … a girl’s night out with a good friend.  You can bet I’ll be having steak tonight, yeah baby!

ALSO … I am messing around with Twitter and may be putting it up here at my blog so you can follow me a bit closer and know when I’m available for calls.  Let me play with it a bit more and we’ll see how it goes.

ONE MORE THING … Regarding all the emails in my inbox:  I just have too much to do today, but will get with you tomorrow.  I promise!  So hang tight.