…  for this Doctor.

An Interview with Doctor X

Q:  I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?

A:  Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that’s it… don’t waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that’s like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q:  Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A:  You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q:  Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A:  No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q:  What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A:  Can’t think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain… Good!

Q:  Aren’t fried foods bad for you?

A:  YOU’RE NOT LISTENING!  Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they’re permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q:  Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A:  Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A:  Are you crazy? HELLO!  Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It’s the best feel-good food around! 

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q:  Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A:  Hey! ‘Round’ is a shape!

Q:  What about all those nutritional studies?

A.  Well their intentions are good, it just that just most scientists and health care professionals wrongly interpret the data.  Here’s the facts:

• Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
• Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
• Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
• Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
• Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

So eat and drink what you like. It’s clearly speaking English that kills you.

Just a few thoughts, because I’ve been asked:

Will you blackmail me?  I will send you pictures of me doing vile, disgusting things.  I will confess to you all my perversions.   I will give you all my personal information and that of those close to me.  Then make me pay you money, so that you will not expose me for the low-life degenerate I am. 

or

Will you call my wife with me and tell her I am in a hotel doing phone sex with you because it is better than any "real" sex I could have with her?

or

If I give you my boss’s phone number will you call and tell her that I am addicted to porn, can’t keep my hand off my prick and am a chronic masturbater?

First off,  I would beg to differ on the where, when, how or why that makes a certain someone a "low-life degenerate."  It’s not the fact that you eat your own cum or piss in your pantyhose or fuck your own ass with carrots and celery or hump the toilet seat you’ve named Ethel or fuck a portable pussy or jerk your dick until it is rubbed raw or whatever else you think is just so damn nasty that it makes you special.  

No, darling, what makes you  less appealing than anthrax, more disgusting than pond scum, lower than the lowliest is the fact that you — in your never-ending quest for the ultimate sexual thrill — would give personal information about yourself and others to me or some other woman you only know from her web presence (which doesn’t amount to a hill of beans in the PSO world).  I don’t care what your kink is, you just don’t have the right to involve unsuspecting others.  Be it your wife, your girlfriend, your boss, your best friend, your parents or even casual acquaintances, your penis needs be respectful, act appropriately, and know its place. 

Just what are you thinking?  How can you possibly rationalize endangering the people who trust you by involving them in your PsychoSexual Blackmail games?  People could get hurt, dontcha know?  Get a fucking grip!  In my everyday life, I certainly wouldn’t want you as a friend of mine.

Now I’m not saying that I’ve never participated in Erotic Blackmail, because I have.  It’s just that this is serious stuff, not to be approached lightly nor haphazardly.  The clients I’ve agreed to take down this dark — and I do mean D - A - R - K — road have had to earn the privilege.    I only do Financial Domination/PsychoSexual Blackmail with a small and select group of callers.  And never, ever on the fly. 

My guys are quite familiar and happy with the way I run my show.  (And it is, when it’s all said and done, my show.  I just might let a few of you think it’s yours now and again.  But never, ever underestimate the true power of a woman.  *wink*)  Which means in AngelaLand:   Safety first, kink second!  Get used to it and learn to love it, because I will protect you and yours in spite of yourself.  Even when you are so blissed out on the possibility of being exposed, that you lose perspective.  It’s part of my job description and you can bet I take it seriously.

Which doesn’t mean I can’t play hard hard as nails and make you beg for mercy.  Because if I really am going to meet your expectations and scare the living fuck out of you, I just better be able to take right to the edge of that slippery slope — so close that you feel the razor’s edge, smell the smoking remnants of your imploding life, hear your own sobs echoing back to you from the endless abyss of your new nothingness.

And then I’ll tuck you in with a kiss on the tip of your nose and a promise of even more evil to come.

… the next time.