Well, you never know.  It just might help:

1. Don’t whisper.  We can’t hear you and what kind of conversation is that?
2. Identify yourself by more than your first name.  There are a lot of Johns and Marks and Toms, and even more than a few Brians and Martins.  (ie. Hi Angela, this is Fred in New York — the guy who has the black nylon fetish and likes cuckold fantasies.)
3. Rule of Thumb:  You should feel dirty during the call, but if you’re still feeling dirty after the call — well something just isn’t right.
4. Read up on a girl — check out her blog and/or website.  Know who you’re calling.  We like to know you are calling us purposely and not just randomly. 
5. Three way calls are usually a waste of your money.  You’re paying double (for the two of us) and it can be confusing and just not erotic at all.  A talented PSO can easily create a second girl (sometimes 4, 5 and even more girls — though the names start criss-crossing after a certain point) which will save wear and tear on your credit card.
6. Asking for discounted calls is just not cool.  Would you like it if your employer wanted to pay you less for the job you do?
7. Give us a rough outline of where you want to go.  Keep it short and simple.  Let us fill in the little details that will make your fantasy special and a unique new thing which we created together.
8. Always be a gentleman.  Say hello.  Exchange some civil chit chat.  That little bit of time getting comfortable will deeply enhance the intimacy you are looking for.
9. If your PSO is jealous because you call other girls, drop her.  We are your candy shop.  How dare she want you to keep your hands off all the goodies.
10. Sometimes things just don’t go well.  If you called her because you liked her profile, give her another chance.  It could make all the difference in the world.
11. Don’t ask to meet her.  Phone Sex is a business arrangement and not a dating service.
12. There’s nothing wrong with telling your PSO your time frame.  Some guys really only need ten minutes, others will talk for hours.  If we know ahead of time, we can pace the call.
13. Participation in the actual fantasy is up to you.  Some guys just want to listen.  Others want to take an active role.  Let your PSO know your preference.
14. If you like to play with toys while on a call, get yourself some headphones.  You’ll be glad you did.
15. Don’t send pictures of your dick as an introduction.  If you simply must, at least wait until you’ve gotten to know each other a little bit.
16. FYI:  If you do cocaine (or other uppers) and make calls, you will spend a lot of money.  PSOs love these calls.  You can’t get off, you need to talk, and it’s by the minute.  We make bank and you go broke.
17. Don’t show your face (on cam or via compromising pictures) to someone you just met on the phone.  Protect yourself and your loved ones.
18. Don’t make the mistake of comparing your significant other to your PSO.  We get paid to be sexy, to agree with you, to treat you like a king.  Do you think our boyfriends or husbands get this kind of treatment from us?  Nope.
19. Don’t hang up when you cum without saying goodbye.  It’s tacky.  And the nicer you are to us, the nicer we are to you.
20. Phone sex is an indulgence, your special treat to yourself.  You deserve it.  But don’t let it become an addiction or substitute for real relationships.  Because then it just isn’t any fun.

Well, take a look at my last boyfriend and you’ll understand:

Just kidding.  But did I make you laugh?  Actually, I found this macho man at sexblo.gs.  It is recommended you visit them often.

xo, Angela

Yeah, about that schedule you’re always asking about. 

I just don’t have one. 

Well, actually I do have one, but you wouldn’t recognize it as a schedule per say.  Because real time schedules and phone sex schedules — well that’s like comparing apples and oranges.  Basically, it goes like this:  I show up, give you all I’ve got until I ain’t gots no more to give.  

As a PSO trying to give each guy exactly what he needs I have to be on-my-toes hyper-sensitive, hyper-aware and hyper-focused.  Even then I don’t always get it right, but no one can fault me for not always making the effort.  And you CAN take that to the bank.

So today — in some ways — wasn’t as hard as others, because many of my callers were regulars, two of you just calling to chat.  But, then again, the challenge with regulars is to always make the "same old kink" somehow fresh and exciting.  Did we accomplish that Mr. P?  I think we did and hope you do, too.

What I do know about today is that I spoke to twelve different gentlemen, with three of those calls lasting over an hour.  We visited The Ava Martin Institute (for the "re-training" of the male spouse).  There were three jerk-a-thons, one with a countdown (no cumming until I get to number one). 

I was a naughty teacher wielding a formidable strap-on, a deliciously corrupt next door neighbor, a hypnotic demon-succubus and a cuckolding goddess with a penchant for black meat.  Boys moaned and groaned and whimpered and wiggled.  I teased and taunted and flaunted.  I had my way with every last one of them.

It makes a girl tired.  All of that sex.

So I’m going to bed now.  I need my beauty rest so I can do it all over again tomorrow.

xo, Angela

PS: edited 3/1/08 to add …

And then I get the following email this morning:

Dearest Angela: 

Thank you, it was great to talk with you. You are one of the nicest people I know.  And so evil!!

Sincerely, Mr. P. 

I do so love my work. 

Mistress Eva Lordes of the website, Phone BDSM has started a sweet little BDSM community for Mistresses and Slaves, BDSM Sex, so if you have that particular bent, she will welcome you with open arms and perhaps a nice cat ‘o nine tails.  You can touch base and interact with Lifestyle Mistresses, Phone Mistresses, Professional Domiatrixes and a wide variety of submissive types. 

In just a few days time there are already over forty members, but every time I check back that number expands.  You can read member blogs, create your own blog, send messages to "persons of interest" and upload videos and pictures. 

So if you had no plans this weekend, now you do!

*** 

Slip of a Girl has opened up an Amazon Lingerie Shop which features just about every sexy girlie thing you could possibly desire.  And while you are checking out her blog (a must for all lingerie fetishists), note her Tops Spots List (to the right, about a third of the way down) where you can be listed for only $1.00.  She gets great traffic, so it is an absolutely fantastic deal. 

***

Sweat Shop Sissy just got a rave review from Jane’s Guide and I’m sooo jealous: 

Our host at SSS is a cross-dressing sissy and he (and his wife) loves it. His blog is a sort of discussion and play-by-play of their exploration into the world sissification; but he also writes about whatever strikes his fancy, which leads to some very interesting discussion. Additionally, SSS and his wife are avid exhibitionists and he regularly posts pictures of them in various states of dress and undress. Even (or especially) if you think the sissification of men is odd, this site is worth checking out. - Shay 

(And while you”re at it, have you been to Jane’s lately?  The entire site got a makeover a while ago and the new design is just adorable.  ie. The Valentine decor  includes a picture of a heart and key with  "We’ve got the key to your heart lust right here.")

***

Have you visited My Flirt Store yet?  It’s a great little new place where both Phone Sex Operators and Web Cam Girls are  selling a variety of items including MP3s, videos, erotic stories, and naughty pictures.  You’re sure to find some of your favorite gals there:  Simmering Mistress Nicole has a some "must have" instructions for Sissy Boys to download.    Phone Whore Karen (a rather submissive and very naughty young lady) is selling some incredibly hot pictures.  The beautiful and big-breasted Arielle has some sweet tease video and black stocking pictures available.  There are pages of goodies to browse, offered by a bunch of very sexy ladies, so be sure to check it out.

***

I’ve mention this before, but I wanted to remind you about Miss Eve Scarlet’s Phone Sex Node.  It is a free-to-join site for both Phone Sex Operators and Callers.  Blogs, videos and pictures are all free.  That’s a good thing.  And, yes, I am a member.

***

Do you have a hot site that pertains to fetish, kink, BDSM or anything in between?  If so, be sure to get listed at Polyfesishist, which is hosted by our own Submissive Savant, Richard of Down On My Knees.  He doesn’t require a link back, but it sure would be nice if you linked back anyway.  Dontcha think?

***

And, last but certainly not least, if you’re looking for a kinky forum at which to hang your CBT6000 (translation:  participating in meaningful,  intelligent conversation about all things kink) you won’t find a better gang than the people at  Fetish Lore.  The environment is open, sincere, supportive and even downright nurturing.   I can’t recommend it enough.

***

So I’ve given you enough to occupy your time and keep you out of trouble over the weekend.  But if you simply must have some trouble, you know where to find me.

xo, Angela

Hello, this is Angela.

Er, this is Mr. X.  How are you today, Angela?

Well, Mr. X, I’m fine.  How did you find me today, over the phone or on the Internet?

I saw your website and you are so damn sexy.

Well, thank you Mr. X.  Was there anything at my website that particularly caught your attention?

You are just so hot.

Okayyyy … Well, do you want to tell me what you’re into?  Or are you the shy type?

No, I’m not shy.

So where do you want to go today?  What are you looking for exactly?

I like sex - any kind of sex.

Okay, let’s try this.  I’m going to give you a little sex quiz.  I will describe a scenario and you rate it from one to ten, with ten me the hottest.

Yeah, let’s do that.

A woman in stockings and heels.

Five.

A woman who takes control.

Five.

Lesbian sex.

Three.

Gay sex.

Four and a half.

A woman tying you up and teasing your cock.

Three.

A woman with a strap-on.

Two.

Anal sex.

Four.

Cuckolding.

What’s that?

**********

Obviously this conversation was not going to go anywhere.  Mr. X may not have been shy, but he certainly was lukewarm and just really didn’t have a clue. 

But I did have a clue, right from the start.  First of all, when Mr. X referred to my "website" it was immediately apparent he was actually referring to the business platform where I have listings.  He was not familiar with my websites which include this blog, Blistered Lips or Literate Smut.  Secondly, I purposely use commercial pics on that platform, which are suggestive and sexy, but are obviously not me.  So how did he know that I was "just so hot?"

I always ask a new caller how he found me, because with guys who haven’t checked out my site, there is definitely a learning curve.  If they’ve checked me out, we more or less are already starting out on the same page, which makes it so much easier and fun for both of us.  In other words, when someone takes the time to check out the service I provide, he is calling because he is pretty sure I am just what he is looking for.  On the other hand, the Mr. X type usually just want a pussy with a voice.  Bleh.

And what in heck does "I like sex" mean?  Of course you do, Mr. X.  We all like sex.  But sex, particularly phone sex or at least my version of it, is multi-faceted.  I mean, come on, you are a man, after all.  You must be surfing for porn at least on occasion.  We have swinging, foot fetishes, shemales, BBWs, leather scenes, bondage, oral sex, cross dressing, mutual masturbation, spanking, lingerie, fuck me pumps, prostate milking, orgasm denial, interracial, all kinds of role play (governess, secretary, teacher, employer, medical, etc.), objectification, erotic hypnotism, BDSM, romantic, slutty … and on and on and on.  Can’t you pick something?  What do you think about when you jerk off? 

My little quiz is pretty standard when the guy just isn’t putting anything on the table.  It’s a way for me to try to get a handle on just what should happen next, and has many times actually turned a call that started off on the wrong foot into something pretty darn special.  Unfortunately, Mr. X just wasn’t too enthused about anything.

I finally just took control and did a "guided masturbation" scenario and Mr. X went away happy.

I, on the other hand, developed a migraine.

xo, Angela

‘Twas Feb Fourteenth –
A day of days!
I dialed you up,
My heart ablaze.
Seeking sexual succor
With a well-turned phrase
And erotic talk,
Without clichés.
You led me into
A tangled maze
Of forbidden couplings
In perfumed chalets;
Carnal samplings
from mixed buffets;
Symphonies of lust!
Psychosexual Monets!

Our call’s now over,
I’m in a daze.
I linger limply
Upon my chaise.
My credit card’s
In a depleted phase.
But your call!
Ah! It was a polonaise!

I’ve penned these words
To give you praise.
Five-stars are silly.
You deserve bouquets!
Angela, the nymph
Of the phone-ways.
You’ve turned my loins
To mayonnaise!

(isn’t he a doll?  thanks, PQS)

….you might as well drop your panties and spread your legs. Because, sooner or later, he is going to have his way with you

Last night, after a busy day of “much ado about nothing,” I was wired-tired. You’ve been there, right? Feeling all day like your left foot was nailed to the floor as your right one kept running you around in endless circles? Yeah, one of those days. So I was really ready to call it quits. Fresh from a hot bath I was looking forward to calling it a night and had been about the business of doing just that when my muse showed up.

"Not tonight, dear," I told him. "I have a headache."

But he was having none of it. Hopping up onto my shoulder, he pulled out his teeny-tiny muse-monkey and began spanking it. Not this time, I thought to myself, determined to ignore his lewd, rhythmic keystrokes—right there, beside my ear.

"You know you want it, Angela," he whispered.

“No. No I don’t, Muse. Please go away.”

I looked longingly at the just-poured glass of merlot sitting on the kitchen counter top only a few steps away. I imagined the beautifully-bound anniversary edition of To Kill a Mockingbird awaiting me just down the hall—perched atop the pillows I’d just fluffed. I thought of the bedside lamp, its amber nimbus waiting to surround me in the sweetest of solitudes as I sank into my pillow to sip my wine and read a page or two of Harper Lee’s masterpiece before drifting off to higher ground.

“Go to your keyboard, Angela.”

Muse’s voice had taken on that sexy growl, the seductive tenor that always makes my little slut-digits quiver. I whimpered. He chuckled—that familiar sleazy snarl of a chuckle. Oh, how I hate you, you insatiable bastard. As if he could read my thoughts, Muse grunted, spit a gob of ink on his little quill and stroked faster. We both watched the jetty fluid oozing from between his pumping fingers, smearing across his knuckles.

I was getting hot—hot to trot right over to my keyboard and writhe, I mean write. The raunchy little raconteur inside me began to tremble. I wanted Muse’s hot jizz to conjugate and punctuate and catenate me. And his grizzled sneer told me Muse knew it.

“Nouns, adverbs, adjectives.”

“Muse, please stop. You know that sentence is incomplete.”

“Then fix it, Angela. You know you can’t resist.” His breath, smelling of parchment and indigo, blew across my fevered face. “Get your panties off and get your horny fingers over to that fucking computer and diddle with that fragment.”

“But…”

“I know, baby. I’ll make it good. Remember the old days? When we did it on everything? Index cards, notebooks, legal pads, steno pads and even napkins. Remember how you liked being bent over that Underwood you found at the yard sale?”

“Okay, Muse. Damn it, you’re right. Do me. Bend me like a bitch over that keyboard and make me your whore. Shove that fragment in front of my face and have your way with me. Use me like the pencil-pushing slut (virgule) strumpet (virgule) tramp (virgule) harlot that I am.”

“I knew you’d give it up,” Muse sniggered as he positioned me in front of the computer. “Now, you filthy little ink-slinging Pandora, listen to this.”

Hunched over the keyboard I opened wide as he started pumping it into me: “Participles, linking verbs, superlative adjectives… You want more?”

“Give it to me, Muse. Give it to me fast and hard and dirty.”

“Grammar, punctuation, conjunctions, interjections, gerunds…”

“Oh, yes! That’s it. Do me. Pound it in to me.”

“Factitive verbs, predicate nominatives, indefinite pronouns, past participles, appositive phrases …”

Muse had me where he wanted me. He knew the dirty truth about the both of us: That I am his whore and he is my whoremonger. It’s been that way since I first picked up a pen. And so I wrote and I wrote and I wrote. Until his profane solicitations became the rhythmic movement of my sticky little fingers across the keyboard and once again, as he always does, the Muse had his way with me.

***

I wrote this piece for my semi-regular column at Sex Kitten.  As I noted a while back, it stirred up some positive attention, which made this little FemDom PhoneSex Wanna Be Writer Girl mighty happy.  But I suspect some of you have had neither the opportunity nor inclination to track it down.   Personally, it’s a fav of mine and so I thought I’d put it out there today for you stragglers.  Not to mention if frees up the time I would have spent writing a blog entry today for somewhat nastier pursuits.

I hope you like it. 

xo, Angela

Many times I am asked by some of my very special guys to "please, oh, please" set up cam so that we can cam together.  Quite frankly, I hate cam.  So much so that one of my regular clients always starts his call by teasing me with, "Oh, Mistress, is this your cam line?"  To which we share a good laugh and then get on to the business of being dirty.  There are a variety of reasons for my "cam aversion," including family members who have high -profile jobs and count on my discretion. 

Of course it could also be that  A) I’m actually 97 years old, but blessed with a youthful voice.  B) I am severely deformed, with three ears on the left side of my head. C) I weigh 573 lbs, devouring a bucket of fried chicken during each call. D) I have only three teeth.  NOT in the front of my mouth.  E) My breasts hang so low that in the winter I use them as ear muffs.  F)  All of the above..

As I said, my reasons are varied, but let me tell you a true story about my one and only experience with cam.  And boy was it an eye-opener for me.

So when I first showed up on the web wanting to quit my day job and get back into the phone sex biz, I took a job with a small company that  — ascribing to the "more is better" business philosophy — featured both cam and phone sex girls.  Their website was rather rudimentary at best, but I was new to all this Internet stuff and hardly noticed.  Now I happen to be very much a company person when I’m working for the man; always have been.  I did what was asked of me and did it well.  I brought aboard a bunch of guys who’d been my regulars from my college days and were high-end clientele.  The minimum call I was used to was thirty minutes and the average time these people were used to seeing was ten minutes.  Not only did my callers often times talk one to four hours, they called back often.

I was the company’s fair haired child, no doubt about it.  BUT!  I only did phone, which frustrated the owners, when they knew they could skim more if I did cam.  Why?  Because the calls were 2.50 a minute, while cam was 3.99 a minute.  With dollar signs in their eyes, they began wooing me.  They knew what I looked like from the driver’s license I’d submitted with my resume and kept telling me how rich I would become if I would set up a cam line at their site.   Quite honestly, the prospect of making more money did have me thinking.  I should have known better, because I’d already become disenchanted with the types of callers their "pussy, pussy and more pussy" type of marketing attracted.  But I was new to all of this and still earning my wings, so to speak.  

One the girls featured on the Phone Sex division of the site found herself in a jam, and I was called in to pinch hit.  Literally.   Apparently Tiffany was actually two people for our callers.  She was the "content" girl I knew her as — a fiery, small-framed redhead — and she was also the voluptuous, curvy, BBW cam blonde, Maggie Mae.  That’s how smart I was at the time:  I hadn’t a clue! 

It happened that Tiffany had a regular caller, Anthony, who — as men are apt to do more often than not — slutted around with other girls from the site.  Well, he happened upon Maggy Mae and was absolutely smitten.  He kept insisting he wanted to cam with her, and she kept putting him off.  Apparently, the phone conversations between Anthony and her content persona occurred often enough that she was terrified he’d recognize her voice.  But he continued to insist; and because he spent a whole lot of money with the company, the owners decided they had to fulfill his wish.

Which is where I came into the picture.  The owners proposed that we set up a three way call — Maggy Mae, me and Anthony — with Anthony, of course,  totally unaware of what were doing.  Maggie Mae would mute at her end and I would become her voice, watching her cam show so that I could talk realistically about what was occurring.   We would both be able to hear Anthony, while he watched her and heard me.  This would work just fine, they explained, because Yahoo cam is a few seconds behind what is actually happening, and it would be easy for Maggie Mae to move her mouth to match what I was saying.

While I was more than reluctant to participate, both Maggie Mae and the owners, appreciating my hesitancy, assured me that Anthony never lasted more than fifteen minutes, anyway.  So why not?  Why not sin once for the Gipper? Like I said, I’m a company kind of girl and all.   Plus, by "camming by proxy" I figured I’d get an inside look at how this cam thing worked.  Just in case I decided to take the plunge.  And so it began.

Unfortunately, Anthony was "in a mood" or extra horny or something, because the call actually ended up lasting well over an hour.  He also happened to like a lot of grunting and groaning and screaming.  That hour plus was probably the most tedious time I’ve ever spent with a client.  As I moaned and groaned and yelled and faked orgasm after orgasm, and Maggie Mae energetically lip-synced along, dear little Anthony enthusiastically gave direction:  "Fuck yourself with that dildo."  and "Spread your legs so I can see your pussy." and "Shove that red dildo up your ass." 

By the time the call finally ended, my throat was hoarse and I’d developed a migraine, Maggie Mae’s ass and pussy were stretched and extremely sore (she didn’t do cam again until the following week), and on top of it all, Maggie Mae was angry with me and even a little jealous that her boy had lasted so long with me on the phone.  Which was just silliness, because Anthony hadn’t a clue as to how he’d been bamboozled.  He signed off with stars in his eyes and a smile on his face.

The experience solidified for me all that I personally don’t like about cam and why I’d be absolutely terrible at it.  I like fantasy.  I like kinky, perverse mind fucks.  I want to create scenarios that — at least most of the time — should never, ever see the light of reality.  And I like the romantic mystery and intrigue created by two voices touching each other intimately with just our whispered, secret desires.  So I made the decision to stay away from cam and stick to what I knew best.

Not long after that, I decided to take things in my own hands and left that company to start my own business.  Goodbye to Anthony and ten-minute-wankers forever.  At least for the most part. 

And I lived happily ever after.

xo, Angela

PS.  If you’re the kinda guy who digs cam girls, stay tuned for a blog entry soon, in which I will introduce you to some very hot cam girls.  If I can’t scratch that itch for you, might as well find you somebody who can!

 X - Rated Web ~ January 2008

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