The Stupid Jerk I’m Obsessed With
Maggie Estep

The stupid jerk I’m obsessed with
stands so close to me
I can feel his breath
on my neck
and smell
the way he would smell
if we slept together
because he is the stupid jerk I’m obsessed with
and that is his primary function in life
to be a stupid jerk I can obsess over
and to talk to that dingy bimbette blonde
as if he really wanted to hear about her
manicures and
pedicures and
New Age ritualistic enema cures and
truth be known, he probably does wanna hear about it
because he is the stupid jerk I’m obsessed with
and he’s obsessed with doing anything he can
to lend fuel to my fire
he makes a point of standing
looking over my shoulder
when I’m talking to the guy who adores me
and would bark like a dog
and wave to strangers
if I asked him to bark like a dog
and wave to strangers
but I can’t ask him to bark like a dog
or impersonate any kind of animal at all
cause I’m too busy
looking at the way the stupid jerk I’m obsessed with
has pants on that perfectly define his well-shaped ass
to the point where I’m thoroughly frantic
I’m just gonna go home
and stick my head in the oven
overdose on nutmeg and aspirin
and sit in the bathtub reading The Executioner’s Song
and being completely confounded by the fact
that I can see
the stupid jerk I’m obsessed with’s face
defining itself in the peeling plaster of the wall
grinning and winking
and I start to yell,
Get the hell out of there
You’re just a figment of my imagination
Just get a life and get out of my plaster
and pass me the next painful situation please
but he just keeps on
grinning and winking
he’s the stupid jerk I’m obsessed with
and he’s mine
in my plaster
And frankly, I couldn’t be happier.

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Gawd!  She’s good, good, good!  We’ve enjoyed Ms. Estep’s poetry in the past.  Remember Sex Goddess?  Visit her website.  Buy, buy, buy her books.

xo, Angela

Phone Sex Quote of the Day

Do you realize that if you simultaneously had sex with three two-inch-cocked losers, that would be the equivalent of having sex with one full man, but to those poor guys, it would be an orgy.  The karmic payback owed you by the Universe at that moment would be tremendous.  -from Mr. B, who is er, um … a cerebral pervert of the highest caliber.

Phone Sex MILF of the Day

If you’re looking for a hot phone encounter with sexy MILF, check out Sweet Megan by CLICKING HERE.  This libidinous long-haired blond loves both oral and anal.   And she has nice tits!  Natural 36DDs.  You like it better that she’s married, don’t you?  Just makes it that much dirtier.

… hmmmm

Then again, I think I know a lot of these guys.

And I’m not just talking about my sweet humiliation junkies.  If ya know what I mean.

(buy the t-shirt)

Phone Sex Quote of the Day

I don’t like lesbian porn so much.  I want it to be about me.  And if they’re into each other, I don’t fit into the picture.  (from Mr. S., who is so charming he should be in sales — he’d be a millionaire)

Phone Sex Sweetie of the Day

lil girl chloe:  Eighteen and new on the scene, pigtailed Chloe is cute as a button … and she likes oral sex!

xo, Angela

Sexism
David Lehman

The happiest moment in a woman’s life
Is when she hears the turn of her lover’s key
In the lock, and pretends to be asleep
When he enters the room, trying to be
Quiet but clumsy, bumping into things,
And she can smell the liquor on his breath
But forgives him because she has him back
And doesn’t have to sleep alone.

The happiest moment in a man’s life
Is when he climbs out of bed
With a woman, after an hour’s sleep,
After making love, and pulls on
His trousers, and walks outside,
And pees in the bushes, and sees
The high August sky full of stars

And gets in his car and drives home.

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Thanks to PQS, whose appreciation of poetry delights me to absolutely no end.  Because he used to make fun of my "poetry thing."  And now he’s a gleeful and eager confederate.  You can read more about Mr. Lehman HERE.  And did you know he wrote a poem for Obama’s inauguration?  Well he did, and you can see him read it HERE.

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Phone Sex Quote of the Day

A contract of mutual self-delusion exists between the caller and the phone sex operator.  The caller imagines he is speaking to his most secret fantasy — and whatever it might be — animal, vegetable or mineral, the operator willingly plays the part.

Phillip Toledano (Phone Sex: The Book)

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Phone Sex Babes of the Day

Young Ashley:  She never says no!

Hot Hanna:  She will do anything to please her Master!

Frannie the Trannie:  Forced Bi and Sissy Training!

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Okay … that’s all for today.  Off to gamble with my mother.  Wish me well, cross your fingers and your toes.  And call soon.

xo, Angela

Nymphomanic Convention

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his.

Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, "Business trip or pleasure?" She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston."

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs. Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What’s your business role at this convention?"

"Lecturer," she responded. "I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."

"Really?" he said. "And what kind of myths are there?"

"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.  Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers when actually it is men of Jewish descent who are the best.  I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck."

Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I’m sorry," she said, "I shouldn’t really be discussing all of this with you. I don’t even know your name."

"Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein.  But my friends call me Bubba.

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I don’t remember who sent me that, but it sure is funny.  Was it you, Puzzler?  I’m thinking it was.  Or perhaps it was my sister, Bethany?  Thanks to whomever. 

And while I’m at it, this next few days are going to be/might be/could be pretty busy so look for me, but don’t expect/do hope for much.  Tomorrow (Monday) I should be working from noon-ish until midnight … but that could change depending on a few circumstances that might pop up.  I don’t think they will be a problem, but just in case — you’re forewarned.  Then Tuesday is a BIG morning with my very expensive and talented hairdresser for my much needed and beloved highlights.

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Phone Sex Quote of the Day

Even though I hadn’t a clue and was totally taken by surprise, I wasn’t angry or turned off in the least.  I just thought, "Well!  What do you know?"  — Mr. A. telling me about his reaction to finding out the "lady" he’d been seducing (I just thought she had a lot of bush) was a TS (transexual).  And he DID continue with the seduction.  

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Phone Sex Scunt (scum + cunt) of the Day

Sissy M, who really really pissed me off today.  Get a grip and learn to act like a man … even when you’re in panties.  There is no excuse for your behavior and you are totally not getting what the phone sex experience is about.  Because, guess what?  It’s the same as everything else in life:  you get what you put into it. But then again, I suspect you don’t put much into life, so … don’t call me.  I’ll call you.

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DEAR READERS:  I am sooo sorry for losing my cool and telling off Sissy M. right here in public.  I really, really, really try to ignore these guys (just block their calls and move on) and pay attention to the good guys who deserve my attention,  like Mr. A. (who is a stand-up kinkster).  BUT that idiot I interrupted our blogging adventure with his call only to hang up at one minute.  

And so … well … er … just except my apologies and keep adoring me.

xo, Angela