….and you’re not. (Such is your fortune when loving a Phone Sex Domina who is in the middle of seasonal inanity, don’t ya know?)

Kidding aside, I would, of course, be referring to Santa Claus. And I’m way behind schedule. Which shouldn’t surprise you. I’ve certainly adjusted to the roller coaster that is my life, so you might as well jump on board for the ride. And I don’t want to hear any complaining. Got that?

Ya know, in college, I was always way ahead of the “Holiday” game. Perhaps that was due to necessary budgeting, something of which I do little of these days.

With my couponing and jumping-through-hoops-to-save-a-dime days being gone (I hope) forever, maybe I’ve lost the desire for planning ahead? Or the will? The ability?

Who knows, who cares. It is what it is.

And I do have somewhat of an excuse as I am just emerging from a snowstorm which dumped twenty-two inches in my back yard. Anybody got a shovel? Better yet, a cute little slave boy who brings his own shovel that you might want to lend me? Lyndee? Mistress V? Mistress Sky? Slip of a Girl?

I can’t ask The Savants. I mean, after all, their major function is to sit and look pretty in my curio cabinet. Anything else is of their own free will and icing on the Christmas cookie. Sigh. My brother braved the aftermath today and advised I stay in until Sunday. Guess I will heed his advice. My favorite pizzaria is back in business, so that should tide me over.Which leaves a heap of stuff for me to finish up on Sunday. But there it is.

***

FYI: The week of Christmas (between 12/26 and 1/1) I will be featuring holiday pricing on calls. But feel free to call anytime you see me around before then.

***

And in case you’re wondering how the angel atop the Christmas tree became a tradition:

One Christmas, Santa was having a really bad day. The local elves union was up in arms over their contract and were threatening a walk-out.  Mrs. Claus was pissed that Santa was never around to appreciate all of the hard work she had been doing around the house. Santa decided he needed to go home, sit in front of a fire and relax.

When he got there, Mrs.Claus was all up in his face and wouldn’t let down. Then, there was a knock on the door. It was Rudolph. He said the reindeer were sick and tired of Santa not upgrading to the new lightweight sleigh and they were joining the elves walkout. Santa slammed the door and threatened, “The next person who knocks on that door is gonna get it!”

At that time, there was a knock on the door. Santa flung the door open and there stood a tiny little angel. The angel had been searching for the perfect Christmas tree for Santa’s house all day long, until it found the perfect one. The little angel asked, “Santa, I was wondering where you would like me to stick this tree?”

And that is the story of how the angel atop the tree tradition began.

***
Now it’s back to wrapping and curling ribbon for me.

xo, Angela

…which is kinda-sorta what I’ve been up to today.

On the mend, but feeling still delicate — I am taking calls by arrangement only and only if I can. Which means that if I wear out, I will bail.

Believe it or not, some calls are easier than others and require less intense effort on my part. Those I can handle. The guy on coke who wants to talk about how wonderful his own personal penis is for twelve to eighteen or even more hours — I cannot handle. Not even on a good day.

My advice to you, mister, is to get off the coke, then find a vagina (or even another penis) that you love more than your own equipment.

So I am getting my appetite back which is a very good thing. Just finished a bowl of mixed vegetables…so yummy!

Heeding a beloved friend’s counsel to “take it easy,” I’ve started on my Christmas cards while making lists: Online Holiday Shopping, Mall Shopping, Grocery Shopping, Holiday Tasks, Website Tasks, Professional Commitments. And I’ve been doing sundry other little things in between. With (guilt-free) naps as needed. Because I have a lot to do this month and need to continue getting better.

I’ve decided to feature a different charity each day through Christmas (via a button at the end of each day’s blog entry) and today’s is extra special. Do you know what today is? Because I sure didn’t. But thanks to Dear Madame (known as “Madame Dearest” amongst more submissive types, I do believe) I’ve been enlightened. Today is World Aids Day and what better way to start a season of giving than to contribute to such a worthy cause?

The easiest thing to do? Light a Candle. And please pass along that link. Every time the candle is lit, Bristol-Myers Squibb will donate a dollar to the National Aids Fund.

And a very cool list: 12 Ways to Join the Fight Against Aids.

Thanks. Kisses & Hugs. I’ve got to get back to nailing that jelly. Anybody got a hammer?

Angela

.

….is what we are doing today.

***

What I’ve been thinking in the aftermath of the Election Day Massacre, the booting of Rummy and Haggard’s outing is that, although I’ve been thinking bunches, so has everybody else and they’ve been blogging like crazy about it. So I will refrain from opining here about all of that.

Except to say the sleaziness of it all is quite disgusting (what Molly Ivans calls “a race to the bottom“), and it’s about time both parties got over themselves to –instead of having to win at all costs– meet somewhere in the middle. Middle is good, don’t ya know? I kinda-sorta think it is what the original plan was, don’t you?

***

“Meeting in the Middle” is something I’ve been thinking about a lot recently in regards to Adult bloggers, webmasters and webmistresses, a group which would include myself. In case you don’t know what’s going on, what started out as a sincere attempt to protect children who might be victims of sexual exploitation/abuse has been twisted into an all out “War on Pornography.” And it’s not pretty.

But the basic premise, that children need protection, is a good thing. I am just wishing that the Anti-Porno Warriors and Adult Providers would each stop trying to win and would rather sit down and negotiate some sort of middle ground. That’s all. Is it asking too much?

***

Coming soon: Vanilla Savant will be joining my Savant collection.

***

Have you been keeping up with Mistress V? Besides being gorgeous, dominant and sexy, Mistress V is right-on, take-no-prisoners smart. Reading her blog is always an adventure. As when recently she so astutely commented on a certain not-so-angelical Evangelist. And then there is her “sweevilicious” take on Carmamel Apple Wraps. No wonder she has so many daily readers. Simply superior in every way.

***

I got to discussing Christopher Walken with a caller and he agreed with me that Mr. Walken is frickin’ awesome (and he is: don’t argue with me/us). Mentioned was the New York Times article (which neither of us can find now) noting that even though most of Walken’s films are less than stellar, he is beloved by most of the movie-going public.

And, of course, there is Mr. Walken’s turn as video star for Fat Boy Slim’s Weapon of Choice, which won six MTV Awards and “best video of all time.” And who can not love the his ongoing SNL stint as The Continental?

Anyway, said caller has changed his NF member name to The Continental, which just tickles me to no end.

Champagn-ia, anyone?

xo, Angela

Now isn’t this just perfect for my office?

And it’s all Slip of a Girl’s fault. I am telling you: She is d-a-n-g-e-r-o-u-s.

But as I told Sliperetta (and Michelle):

How could I not? Won’t it be fab -matted and framed- hanging above the Frog-Prince figurine (a little tip-o-the-hat to my callers) gracing my desk?

xo, Angela

‘Cuz it sure isn’t me.

I think this has to do with the Case of the Missing Maid.  At least that’s all I can put my finger on.

In case you hadn’t heard, I’ve been in the process of hiring a maid for quite a while now; literally, months.  Well I finally did it.  I came down off of my picky-prickly high horse and finally picked someone.  The deed was done and we were ready to go!

She requested particular cleaning products.  I made a special trek to the store to purchase every item on her list.  Was even paying her more than she’d asked for (I just thought she was under-valuing herself. Guess it’s the FemDom in me.)  She tells me she wants to start at 7:00am.  Not in my game plan.  But, hey, nobody (just you hush yo’ mouth, hdb) ever said I was inflexible.

That was yesterday. The day of the lovely surprise snowstorm.

So I found myself glad to be up so early.  Up in the still-black morning to see our first snowfall clinging to recently glabrous trees: hopeful harbinger of a glorious winter of white vistas observed and made pristine through the glass of the French doors off my living area as I sat – wool sockies and hot chocolate – snug and safe in front of my blazing fireplace.

But the bitch didn’t show up.

Because the morning was so fine, so perfect…I could have forgiven her this. The weather was bad, also unexpected, which could have shaken her up.  And I tend to be the forgiving type.  So when she did call, long after the scheduled time to offer up just such excuses, I did forgive her.  And we rescheduled for today.

Today, 7:00am, telephone rings: “Hello, Angela. This is Maria. I’m on my way.”

Guess what?  She didn’t show up again.  And the snow melted.

So while I mope and crank and feel sorry for myself, lets see who is feeling sexy:

• Looks like Michelle is all dressed up and feeling pretty scrumptious.
• Richard is humming along to the Nutcracker Suite.
• Mistress Edenn is ready to make you “blush and squirm as I probe for all your secret vulnerabilities and make you confess your most embarrassing fantasies.”
• Looking for some girl on girl action?
• Maybe a bit of maternal direction is what you need?
• Barely legal nymphos are always fun. Go ahead. Don’t be shy.
• And Sabrina is always smolderingly hot.
• Not to mention the ever-enticing and intriguing Kat.

So there you go. There’s a lot of sexy people out there. Including myself. Just not tonight.

World-wide $$$: 57.0 billion

U. S. $$$: $12.0 billion

US Adult videos: $20 billion

Escort services: $11 billion

Magazines: $7.5 billion

Sex clubs: $5 billion

Phone sex: $4.5 billion

Cable/Pay per view: $2.5 billion

Internet: $2.5 billion

CD-Rom: $1.5 billion

Novelties: $1.0 billion

Other: $1.5 billion

Porn revenue is larger than all combined revenues of all professional football, baseball and basketball franchises.

US porn revenue exceeds the combined revenues of ABC, CBS, and NBC (6.2 billion).

Child pornography generates $3 billion annually.

~~~

So there you have it. While different stats will vary (depends on who’s commissioned them and for what monetary purpose, don’t ya know?), I think there isn’t such a huge schism that we need to argue the accuracy. Do you? Nah, I didn’t think so. Leave that silliness to the Wendy Whiners and Nancy Naysayers.

I’m just making a point to the sexual snobgoblins out there: Someone is obviously paying money for this stuff. Lotsa money. And at a twelve billion dollar (as I said, give or take a few billion–depending on who’s counting) price tag, you can bet at least more than a few of the spenders are not the misfit miscreants some would like to believe. I’d even gander that more than a few have shared your pew, dining table, golf foursome or even your bed.

Pornography is big business. Someone (somemany?) out there realize(s) that “if you build it they will cum,” and is/are racking in the cash. Like most girly-girls and even a lot of my callers (the advantage of attracting smart boys with perverse thoughts), I’ve never been big on porn.

I actually wrote an article about my kinda-sorta non-relationship with pornography for Sex Kitten a while back, Please Pass the Egg Nog: Pornography or Porn-not-graphy. Don’t get me wrong: I will defend anybody’s right to read/write/publish pornography. And, of course, there is always the pornography VS erotica debate which goes on ad nauseam.

My problem is not with the product, the producer or even the consumer. My problem is with the lack of balance some men are able to maintain when it comes to the stuff.   Which will be left for another discussion.

More interesting statistics can be found here.

And thanks, Lyndee, for pointing this out. You always show me interesting things.

Angela

• Well, I finally got around to moving my Savant Collection to a bigger and better curio cabinet (AKA their very own page here at Zen Fetish).
• When visiting, please do not pick up, handle or fondle the Savants. Remember: You break it, you buy it.
• As you browse this small (but most exclusive) collection, you might also notice that there are more Savants awaiting their debut: Vanilla Savant (there’s one in every crowd, don’t ya know?), Closeted Savant (he has secrets), Lady of the Lace Savant (the first female savant — yowza!), Horn Dawg Savant (this one is lotsa fun — just you wait) and Pussy-Whipped Savant (which really always is the case anyway — he just is a bit more aware of it).
• God Bless Luscious Lyndee: She’s now the proud owner of two Brian Rawson photographs.
• I’ve been getting a lot of poetry sent my way these days for some reason and I do thank the senders very much. One (a Shakespearian Sonnet) is below. And thanks to you-know-who.
• Oh, and did you see the response to A O Hell posted by a certain Savant who is pretty darn creative and down right hillarious? That, too, is below.
• Now that everything is tied up into a neat little bow, let me say goodbye for tonight. Kink-O-Phone is now officially off of the hook.

***

Sonnet 57 ~William Shakespeare

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?
I have no precious time at all to spend,
Nor services to do, till you require.

Nor dare I chide the world-without-end hour
Whilst I, my sovereign, watch the clock for you,
Nor think the bitterness of absence sour
When you have bid your servant once adieu;

Nor dare I question with my jealous thought
Where you may be, or your affairs suppose,
But, like a sad slave, stay and think of nought
Save, where you are how happy you make those.

So true a fool is love that in your will,
Though you do any thing, he thinks no ill.

***

System/Prakrit Kamasutramurtri Says:

October 20th, 2006 at 8:50 pm

Dear Pearl:

Namaste!

It gladdens my heart, here in Mumbai, to learn that your AOL Email system has at last returned to its normal state of happy repair.

In your posting to ZenFetish, however, I sense smally that there remains of bitterness and dissatisfaction with AOL and with my own most sincere efforts to assist you with your unfortunate problem. Know well, that at all times, I strenuously expended myself to my utmost to relieve you of your most perplexing difficulty.

Sadly, Brahma was not amenable to the resolution of your misfortune on this occasion. Such is karma. I wished you to be cognizant that I am now burning incense and have offered sweets and flowers at the Temple of Kali in hopes of atonement.

Please take a moment to give me a good report when further communicating with my superiors.

Sincerely

Prakrit Kamasutramutri (”Jerry”)
Your AOL-Customer Service Representative in Mumbai

Not really.

Well, okay, some people seem to think so. Now and then at least.

But enough about me. Let’s talk about me.

Back at the beginning of summer (July 7 and July 8 to be exact.) I said, more or less:

“A few years back my flagship website, Literate Smut, was a finalist for Erotic Website of the Year. I never did know who nominated me, but a few very nice gents wrote some nice ‘letters of recommendation’ after the fact.” And then I shared a few of those letters. Well, I just ran across the file again and thought I share yet another:

Angela: The Lady of Literate Smut

There are so many ways — all of them good — to describe Angela that I’m not sure where to begin. I could say that she is an intelligent woman, and a funny woman, and a mischievous woman, and an elegant woman, and all of this would be true. But what she is, first and foremost, is a real woman. I fully expected to meet a lot of heavy-breathing actresses when I first tried phone sex, and indeed I did. But at forty ears of age and having lived and worked all over the world, I am too old to play games.

The reason I call Angela, and no one else, is that sincerity is the sexiest quality of all. More importantly, she is also not every woman I ever loathed: Not clingy, not mean, not manipulative, not jaded, not ever a pain. I’ve known Angela for 3 years, and I still get butterflies in my stomach every time I hear her soothing yet sultry voice. No matter what else I may be doing, hers is a siren call I can never ever resist: “Let’s play, sexy baby ….” An evening with Angela is a sexual symphony with many movements, compelling climaxes and deliciously wet codas. I almost feel like buying her a dozen roses and screaming “bravo!” every time we finish making love.

Angela is the moxie of youth, the compassion of experience and the humor of your best friend all wrapped into one, an erotic genius who makes you feel like the only guy in her world while fucking you till plead for mercy and release begin to escape your quivering lips. She is like a many-sided jewel, a unique emotional treasure whose intimate secrets reveal themselves in a thousand simultaneous flashes of insight and imagination. (Please forgive the cliché, but she really does seem to know what I want before even I know what I want.)

In a way, I hesitate to recommend Angela so highly, since I actually hate the thought of sharing her. Why, had I met her twenty years ago when my future was less defined than at present, I surely would have begged her to stay with me forever. She alone has taught me the ecstasy of surrender to that rare girl you just trust implicitly, deep in your heart of hearts, because she never takes your vulnerability without first offering up her own. And don’t even get me started on the explicit stuff. Grandma was lying when she informed all you ladies that the way to a man’s heart is straight through his stomach. When Angela is in the room, it is not food that I want to eat.

I would give up every woman I’ve ever known for just one Angela.

Thass the fack, Jack.

***Once again, let me remind you that The Erotic Awards is a yearly fund-raising event hosted by the Leydig Trust to raise money for The Outsiders, a support and outsource program for the physically handicapped regarding personal and sexual relationships. Do me, yourself and them a favor by visiting the websites and checking them out.

If

-Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build ‘em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on”;

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And - which is more - you’ll be a Man my son!

(Dearest Miss V: Because you are a magnificent spirit, a generous friend, a beauteous force, my treasured partner in crime and a beloved mentor to many. ~Angela)

Happy Friday the Thirteenth.

1. Financial Goddess worth giving it up for: Exclusively Devon
2. Scarlett Teese: That would be Johansson and Dita Von (yum yum).
3. My newest pairs of heels: Are these sexy or what? and Would you kneel?
4. Laura Baumach: Sensually Wicked Man Love
5. Phone Sex with Miss Swan (very funny)
6. Maria’s online diary: Cuckolding Martin (very hot, sexy, explicit)
7. Cross-Dressing: From the inside out (honestly thoughtful)
8. Barely Legal PhoneSex Sweetheart (prepare to be amazed)
9. So you want to write erotica? (excellent resource, frequently updated)
10. Dominatrix, Heineken style. Actually, pretty much on the money.
11. A Woman of Conviction. Someone to admire, champion and support.
12. A most interesting artist who’s recently caught my attention.
13. OMG! Look what Mistress Sky’s been up to. I adore this woman!

More fun with the Friday the Thirteenth:

• WiKipeDia says
• Test Your Friday the 13th IQ
• Friday the 13th Strip Tease
• Jason Vorhees Redux

And one more thing:

First 5 callers: 1.13 per minute. Oops! Sale all gone. Sorry. (Thanks, guys!)

Angela