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Tickling Your Funny Bone/r

Thursday, April 17th, 2008

Cajun Math Test

A Cajun man wanted a job, but the foreman wouldn’t hire him until he passed a little math test.  

Here is your first question, the foreman said, "without using numbers, represent the number 9."  "Without numbers," the Cajun says, "Dat is easy." And proceeds to draw three trees.

"What’s this?" the boss asks. 

"Ave you got no brain?  Tree and tree and tree make nine," says the Cajun.

"Fair enough," says the boss.? "Here’s your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99."

The Cajun stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree.   "Ere you go."

The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?"

"Each of da trees is dirty now.? So, it’s dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Dat is 99."

The boss is getting worried that he’s going to actually have to hire this Cajun, so he says, "All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100."

The Cajun stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Ere you go.? One hundred." 

The boss looks at the attempt.  "You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!"

The Cajun leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and says, "A little dog come along and crap by each tree. So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, which makes one hundred."

"So, when I start?" 

Sick Leave

Redhead Renee urgently needed a mini-vacation, but knew her boss would not allow her to just take time off.  So she hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny noises. Her co-worker, Blonde Brenda, asked her what she was doing.  Redhead Renee replied that she was just being a light bulb.

A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked, "what are you doing?"

"I’m a light bulb," Readhead Renee answered.

"You are clearly stressed out, the boss said.  "Go home and recuperate for a couple days."

"Yes, sir," Redhead Renee gleefully responded, jumping down from the ceiling and walking towards the office door. 

With that, Blonde Brenda pushed out from her desk, stood up, grabbed her purse, and turned to follow Redhead Renee.

"Hey," said the boss, "just where in the hell do you think you are going?"

"I’m going home, too," retorted Blond Brenda, " I can’t work in the dark!" 

Perverse Irony

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are going dead?

Why do banks charge a fee on ‘insufficient funds’ when they know there is not enough money?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an ‘S’ in the word ‘lisp’?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, ‘It’s all right?’ Well, it isn’t all right, so why don’t we say, ‘That really hurt, why don’t you watch where you’re going?’

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that’s falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends — if they’re okay, then it’s you.