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Wankers Unite Against O’Donnell

Friday, September 17th, 2010

Oh yes she did say it:

It is not enough to be abstinent with other people, you also have to be abstinent alone. The Bible says that lust in your heart is committing adultery. You can’t masturbate without lust!

Lester (Kevin Spacey) jerks it in American Beauty

Jimmy Kimmel:

I’m not a political person.  I keep to myself.  I’m not one to get involved in these things.

I’m not proud to say I’ll stand by as our leaders drag us into wars based on false pretenses. I’ll stand by while our oceans are polluted by greedy corporations who only care about money. I’ll stand by while our military blatantly discriminates against our own armed forced based on their sexual preferences.

But I’ll tell you something:  When our right to masturbate is threatened, that’s where I draw the line.  What goes on between me in my own bedroom  (and car sometimes) is my business, not the government’s.

Phone Sex Caller #12: 

This is a recession and masturbation is all we’ve got.  And she wants to take that away from us?

Roger Ebert tweet:

Karl Rove hoping to cast Pee-Wee Herman in the Willy Horton role for Christine O’Donnell‘s attack ads.

Phone Sex Caller #5:

I’ll just quote Mark Twain:  Be good and you will be lonesome.

Jay Leno:

Frankly, I don’t think it’s any of her business what I do in the privacy of that voting booth. This is America. Once you close that little curtain, you should be able to pull any lever you want.

dutchboy (blog comment):

Though maybe we shouldn’t get too cocksure and erect her political headstone just yet. After all, the teabaggers will be pulling for her, long and hard. If they can stimulate turnout, her campaign might experience a sudden spurt. Things could still get sticky in Delaware. This is truly a seminal political moment.

Stephen Colbert:

"Masturbation is adultry." I know this is horrible news for my home audience, many of whom are committing adultry even as we speak.  But, folks, don’t panic.  There is simple way to fix this problem:  Simply, marry your hand!

Phone Sex Caller #7:

It’s like you say on your Twitter Account, Angela:  Do you really think God cares what you do with your dick? 

Craig Ferguson:

A lot of people love this woman. In the last 24 hours she’s raised more than $1,000,000. Which I think is ironic, because she’s against masturbation, but she’s taking money hand over fist.

Phone Sex Caller #34:

Wonder what she’d say if she knew that I regularly eat my own cum? 


xo, Angela

Source Material: Daniel Kurtzman, Rachel Maddow Video, Roger Ebert Twitter Feed,