Here’s a birthday poem for my FAVORITE PSO.
Pervert Q. Savant
I’m a normal old guy, you can just call me Tex
I live just outside Dallas, you can check all my specs!
Well, I saw this here ad about “Literate Sex.”
And I thought, “What the hell, I’ll just pay my respects!”
The website said Angela was the lady’s first name
And the brainiest phone sex was her claim to fame
My dear wife was off at her weekly bridge game
So I bought me five minutes (I’ve no sense of shame!)
I dialed up the number (It’s in the public domain!)
And advised Miss St. Lawrence about what pulled my chain
“I like dirty words. Thank you!! But no whips or pain!
“Said she: “I knew it immediately. You’re an erotomane!”
I scratched at my head. It was a new word for me
It wasn’t there anywhere in my vocabulary.
Said I, “Are you giving me the third degree?”
“Said she: “I screen all members of the bourgeoisie.”
That was another word that just didn’t engage
It made me uneasy about my genital stage
I wasn’t sure Angela was on my same page
Said she, “I suspect that you might be a strange coprophage!”
I have to say now, that word took me aback
I’d never heard it before. But I cut her no slack.
“Hell no!” I exclaimed. “Don’t have a panic attack!”
“Said she, “I may have to punish your petite scrotal sac.”
That was another term that just wasn’t my style!
It passed over my brain by a good nautical mile.
Said I, “If you’re a young babe we can talk for a while.”
Said she: “Aha! So it seems you’re no gerontophile!”
Hearing these new words, they set me affright
Perhaps she was thinking I was no bright light
Said I: “Let’s get to it! What’s in store for tonight?”
Said she: “I was thinking of a hermaphrodite.”
Said I: “Let’s just you and I do it in the ‘missionary’!”
(See, “hermaphrodite” wasn’t in my dictionary)
“And don’t pair me up with no simperin’ fairy!”
Said she: “A succubus I know might like your cherry!”
“Sucking!” said I. Yes! That rings my bell!”
And I felt my member commencing to swell
My heart started pumping like an artesian well
Said she: “Do you prefer a Monsieur or a Mademoiselle?”
But before I could answer she spun out a tale
About a big black something the size of a whale
That shot up my asshole like a Galveston gale
Said she: “Succubi like to inhabit a male!”
Bucking and snorting, it left me with piles
It felt like my anus had been rubbed with steel files
When my five minutes ended, I was tired of her wiles
Said she: “Don’t call me again! I prefer bibliophiles!”
Thanks, PQS! And thanks to all the rest of my sweet You Know Whos for the presents and emails.