“I’ve heard people say you have to love the characters you play. I don’t feel that way. I’ve played a lot of people that I don’t love at all. What’s important to me is to try to make them real.” — Kevin Bacon

I watched a movie tonight, The Woodsman, starring Kevin Bacon in an extremely challenging role: A convicted pedophile recently released after twelve years in prison, trying to find his place in the world and attempt some sort of “recovery.” How’s that for artistic gumption?

While I think age-play fantasies are fair game, because fantasy is about taboo and breaking boundaries and should have nothing to do with our every day sex lives, I find pedophiles a sad problem for society as most experts agree that pedophiles are never cured. So I wondered how true to the realities of this affliction this film would be.

And, as Mr. Bacon is one of my favorite actors, I was curious as to how he would inhabit such a character. He is not squeamish about tackling controversial roles that pretty-boy actors would shy away from, a good example being his creepy, even loathsome career turn as the sadistic reformatory guard, Nokes, in Sleepers.

He is really an actor’s actor, often taking roles that are challenging, complex and interesting, rather than the commercial pablum a lesser actor might opt for. He brings his butt to the studio, then gets down to busines whether he’s the star (Murder in the First), has a supporting role (A Few Good men) or is part of an ensemble cast (Sleepers, Mystic River).

So I was curious: Could this brilliant, talented actor bring me into a story which, otherwise, would hold no appeal for me. Firmly believing that rehabilitation is an impossiblity when it comes to this type of predator, how could I feel anything for this character?

While I never felt a whole lot of sympathy for Walter, the tormented and conflicted character Kevin Bacon so believably portrays in this starkly drab film, I did find him fascinating. Kevin Bacon plays Walter for real: Hating his abnormal obsessions and craving normality, yet making unwise and potentially devasting choices as he teeters on the edge. You really don’t know if he is going to make it or not.

You really should see this movie and observe very carefully the “change” in Walter when he interacts with a young girl named Robin (Hannah Pilkes). There is a heck of a lot going on there. Then I’d like to talk with you about it.

So what does a Phone Goddess do in between calls? Did you ever wonder? I can’t speak for others, but thought you’d like little peek into my particular type of day.

1. A.M: Pull hair under base-ball cap, don sweats, jog 5 miles.
2. Return, start coffee, take bubble bath.
3. Get a cup of java.
4. Turn on PC, check email, check never-ending “to-do” list.
5. Blow dry hair, dress in “power suit.” (T-Shirt Nightie and sockies).
6. Sign on to take calls.
7. Answer email.
8. Make bed and get another cup of java.
9. PHONE FANTASY CALL (Panty Worship)
10. Continue working on article for column at Sex Kitten.
11. PHONE FANTASY CALL (Humilation)
12. PHONE FANTASY CALL (Very Taboo)
13. Call Dell to order ink cartridges for printer.
14. PHONE FANTASY CALL (Forced Cock-Sucking)
15. Proofread story friend is writing, because I promised.
16. PHONE FANTASY CALL (Pain Slut)
17. Package courstesy panties and stockings for mailing to clients.
18. Send email to webmaster regarding updates and fixes.
19. Instant message with my buddy, Mistress V.
20. PHONE FANTASY CALL (Dominant Secretary)
21. Work on blog story for Blistered Lips.
22. Find bookmarked links which may be at AOL, IE or Foxfire.
23. PHONE FANTASY CALL (Strap-On)
24. PHONE FANTASY CALL (Foot Worship)
25. Email artist I am going to interview for Sex Kitten.
26. Work on story I am writing for Delia CD
27. Add story links to Blistered Lips
28. Add variety of links and new link categories to this blog.
29. PHONE FANTASY CALL (Sexual Hypnosis)
30. Work on updates for my professional website.
31. Google “Picasso” for essay I am writing for Sex Kitten.
32. Instant message with buddy, Mistress Danielle.
33. PHONE FANTASY CALL (Couple Domination)
34. 6 PM — Breaktime!
35. PHONE FANTASY CALL (3.5 hour appt. — Sissy Boy)
36. Enuff already! Time to rest. See Ya Tomorrow!

When I stop and remember, meditate, pray or whatever you want to call it, I am always amazed at the friends I’ve accumulated in spite of myself. I call them God’s Elves: These people who find their way — uninvited and unexpected — into my life and stick to me like bubblegum. Waltzing into my world and making themselves right at home; then continuing to stick around despite my slightly brittle demeanor, belligerent impatience, and intermittent self-absorption.

Maybe they love me for really trying instead of pretending to try. They might just see past the sassy, smart-assed woman to the little girl fumbling around behind the curtain. A better bet is that they know I’m just not as bad as I wish I were or would like them to think I am.

The miracle of it all is that they always seem to show up in the right place and just in the nick of time. Talk about being saved by the bell! And not once, but over and over again. Eventually, no matter how hard-headed a girl is, she will start paying attention. I did and I do.

It takes a lot of self-policing not to be small-minded or mean-spirited. I suspect that none of us can get it right every single time. Rationalization, righteous indignation and self-justification are such handy defense mechanisms that I probably don’t even notice when I’ve picked them up.

But I think of God’s Elves and keep on trying.

Also known as orgasm denial, cock control and a whole lot of other things (it’s more or less in the hands of the be-holder), this is a fetish/fantasy that has become quite popular. It happens to be one of my favorite fantasies, as it is a real life game I’ve played since I learned to walk and wiggle my hips. I mean, after all, what’s a good Catholic girl to do when she’s been taught to value her purity but enjoys the attention of smitten boys?

I might even go so far as to say that Tease and Denial is at the heart of all FemDom power exchanges. It’s as simple as this: We got it and men want it. God made it that way, which I think is pretty awesome. Keeps everything in balance and under control.  That would be, ahem, female control.

An important factor in considering this is that a desired fruit tastes twice as sweet when one puts off partaking of its nectar. Obviously, when it comes to sex, very few men have either the capability or foresight to delay gratification. Again, they really can’t help it; they’re wired that way. But, thanks to the lovely grace of femininity, the male animal can be taught. He might not like it, but he really has no other options.   To put it another way:  Good girls tease and good boys endure.

Chastity devices can be employed in worst/best (it’s your call) case scenarios. Some even fantasize about castration. And while it is a particularly fun fantasy (at least for me–oh how evil I can be when it is deserved), I wouldn’t recommend pursuing the fulfillment of that particular figment of illusion in any real-time situation. It would be bloody, painful and permanent. See what I mean about fantasy vs reality? Geeze!

A really great website for those interested in this particular "hobby" is Orgasm Denial, which is sort of a "hang out" for like-minded boys and girls. Although you have to create a member name to particpate, membership is free. And while there are a links to outside merchants and pay websites, David, who created and manages the site, has a lot of freebies available such as chatrooms, picture teases, blog capabilities, an internal mail system and much more. So put on your CB2000 and check it out!

xo, Angela

Dear Madame finally has her blog, Madame Knows, up and running, so I’ve added the link to my Hot Blog category. I’ve been anxiously waiting for this, because, well, I just happen to think Dear Madame is awful darn cool. We are only just getting to know each other, but I feel good in my belly about her, so I hope you check her out. I am pretty sure she is currently working on a professional website from which to operate her Phone Business. In the meantime, check her out HERE. If you like your women mature, real, and intelligently dominant, Dear Madame is your dream-come-true. I just love her voice. Not to mention her wit, style, grace, business saavy and tremendous strength of character. She is actually away at The Pheonix Forum, an adult industry forum, where she will no doubt have the time of her life and learn lots of new tricks. Do you think if I kiss her butt she might pass a few my way? Have fun, Dear Madame. We’ll see you when you get back.