Isn’t she de-lovely? Check out those bodacious tatas. Watch it buddy! NO TOUCHING! Keep those greedy little paws to yourself. If anybody gets to palm those dirty pillows, it’s going to be me.

Anyway, now you know why I call her my bosom buddy.

All slave-types: Visit Mistress V’s website now! I mean it, buster.

or How I Learned to Start Deleting and Block the Bums.

(with apologies to the late, great Messrs. Peter Sellers and Stanley Kubrick)

Some days it just doesn’t pay to get out of bed.

I open my email today to find this:

I am looking for someone to “direct” the actions real time of an escort in dominating me. I am into heavy verbal humiliation, spitting, slapping and even being pissed on. I have dildos, butt plugs, and panties in my possession, so I can even be “forced fag.”

Are you interested and enough of a dominating cunt to fulfill my request?

Ummmm….did I read that right?

Did this gentleman really refer to me as a “cunt?” This guy who I’ve never met or talked with before?

So I deleted and blocked him but not before responding:

You don’t know me well enough to call me a cunt. Therefore, I must respectfully decline.

What can I say? Just another day at the office, more or less. Thank God for the GOOD kinky guys. The POLITE deviants. The RESPECTFUL perverts.

Sometimes I think I should have become a nun and just had sex with priests, altar boys and PTA mothers.

And how has your day been?

Ok, that might not be quite accurate. But you would agree it’s a great title for a blog entry? Yes?

What I should have said was that a whole bunch of people want my brain. Then again, maybe I was right the first time, because we all know that the brain is the most powerful sex organ. Don’t believe me? Well, I heard it from an expert. So there, wisenheimer!

Ok, I’ll quit kidding around.

It is just going to be a delightfully busy week for me. I’ve completed two artist interviews (Molly Crabapple and Burke Heffner) for Sex Kitten and getting ready to submit them for publication at the site. I just finished a review of a sex toy there, which was published today.

I am being interviewed for Backwash, along with Doxy Wringer, regarding our adventures in the phone sex industry. I am trying like heck (and getting nowhere) to get my professional site updated. Plus I’m in the middle of two books (the best part of my day) Extraterrestrial Sex Fetish, Necrophelia Variations, which I will be reviewing soon. And I am writing my own little stories for Blistered Lips and Delia CD.

And on the personal front: I have to look for a new doctor (my regular GP pissed me off big time), take my mother to her doctor, attend my mother’s care conference, hire a maid (two interviews scheduled) and go to the beauty salon (at a moment’s notice–if someone cancels).

Then there is mail to send, bills to pay, a big decision to ponder (to move or not to move – that is the question), empty cupboards to fill (I hate grocery shopping), directions to read (new iPod and microwave) and just gathering the everyday debris of my life into one neat pile. Oh, and I need to file for an extension on my taxes as my exboyfriend, who has done them for the last three years, is kinda sorta MIA.

And, of course, in between all of this, take calls.

And don’t forget Easter, which, since I’m the slightly co-dependent sibling, I gotta make it happen for everybody.

Hmmm. Amphetamines? Lotsa caffeine?

Or maybe just some old-fashioned gratitude that everybody wants my sex, er, I mean brain?

Let me give credit where credit is so richly deserved. I found this adorable pic at Everything Goes, the blog site of good girl and Grizzly Bear. Presenting fascinating content that is quite personal, even including pictures of their sexcapades, they are, “A newly in love couple exploring submission, dominance, sexuality, bondage and toys with no reservation.”

We should all be so lucky, eh?

Bear and girl found it at The Bondage Blog, which–while not my thing–is a great site with an astounding array of pictures, advice, suggestions and more if you take, “Pleasure in the Beauty of Restrained Women.”

C you real soon!

Y? Because I like you!

In regards to my previous post, Get a Grip, I’ve gotten a bit of commentary here and there–some in agreement, others just not getting it and thinking I’m the devil’s own mistress. He should be so lucky.

Let me say this about that: Boxes are for shoes, not people.

And as an Erotic Conversationalist, what I bring to the table as a professional is not only the ability to be non-judgemental about a caller’s fantasies, but crackerjack support, empathy, and a whole lot of enthusiasm. That doesn’t mean that I am always capable of creating a particular fantasy.

After all, I’m only human. (You didn’t know that about me, did you?) But if I can’t work the particular brand of magic he is seeking, I can certainly make every effort to hook him up with a PSO that can.

Every caller is a customer, and customers deserve the same red carpet treatment that I want when I am spending my money with someone.

Let’s look at just a few fairly common fantasies:

• Twink: Twinks are young men/boys who are sexual boy-toys for older men. While I’ve had this request on many occasions, two constants applied in every single case: 1) The caller wanted to be the twink. 2) Every caller was middle-aged or even older.
• Castration: Admittedly, there are some voluntary eunuchs out there, but that is not what we are talking about. My callers have no real desire to be emascualted. In fact they are usually fucking up a storm in their every day lives. The business of being alpha males gets tedious after all! So a randy round of sexual annihilation is most satisfying.
• Erotic Humiliation: Just why in the heck would a man become sexually aroused at a woman telling him he is a worm, a loser, not good enough to fuck her with somebody else’s prick? Because he desires a powerful woman who can drive him to his knees. …for a while. And words are powerful, particularly when they’re the only tie that binds via the phone lines.

So do you really think these callers practice this stuff in their daily sexcapades? Do you really? Take it from me, 99.9% are living life just the same as you and me, maintaining the status quo and hopping from box to box (husband, boyfriend, lover, worker bee, sibling, cousin, friend, parent).

Let me spell it out, one more time:  It’s just   F – A – N – T – A – S – Y

When they get to me? The last thing I want to do is put them in a box.