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Archive for August, 2006

Jerotic On the Loose

Thursday, August 31st, 2006

By now you should have read Jeremy Edwards’ frisky little story After Tennis. I promised you a little more info on said gentleman, so perk up your cute little ears and have a listen.

Although I only ran into Mr. Edwards (who also goes by Jerotic–don’t you just love it?) recently when reading his story The Girl Who Loved to Pee, evidently he’s been stirring up quite a bit of mischief with his wicked wordiness for a while now. As I told you yesterday, he has a nice little crib of his own, but it seems that Jeremy has what my grandmother refers to as a “gasoline ass.” He just can’t be a good boy and stay at home!

For example, he’s becoming quite the Casanova over at Oysters and Chocolate (which, by the way, just became a free site–so scoot over there now), where high-brow babes go to get their grafenberg tickled by some of the best writers in the biz. You can bet that Jeremy’s Any Day of the Week and Vacation Plans are doing some tickling. Wonder which is the oysters and which is the chocolate. Hmmmm…

He’s also charming the panties off of a few ladies at Tit-Elation with an exquisitely naughty tidbit, Adrienne’s Ironic Lingerie. (The man does have a way with words, doesn’t he?) You can read a juicy little excerpt of this story over at the lingerie blog of A Slip of a Girl who was so intrigued she had him back for an interview. Then I suggest signing up for a membership with Tit-Elation, because membership does have its privileges.

Evidently insatiable, his purple prose can also be found tucked between the linens of the pre-eminent erotic magazine on the Internet, Clean Sheets. Go ahead–slip into something more comfortable; then tuck yourself in with a few of his very naughty bedtime stories: If We Were and The Ass Pajama Lottery.

Whew! I don’t know about you. But I need a cigarette after all of that.

xo

After Tennis

Wednesday, August 30th, 2006

An erotic story by Jeremy Edwards – (c) 2006

Playing tennis with Candice was always hard work–for both of us. We each hit the water bottle a lot during those luxurious summer Sundays on the court. And then sometimes, when the sun began its slow, late-afternoon descent and we were ready to relax the pace a bit, we’d pull a couple of beers out of her cooler.On one such occasion, it became clear at the end of yet another close match that Candice and I were both jiggling for a good piss, as the brews and H20 coursed through us.

“Do you have to pee as badly as I do,” she called to me from across the court. This end of the park was empty except for us, so she was able to shout this fairly personal question without any inhibitions. It sounded sexy, though, to hear my beautiful lover shouting to me in the open air about how she had to take a leak. I’d had the good fortune to observe that Candice embodied a particular kind of erotic beauty on the commode, her soft, intimate regions the source of ashimmering fountain. So for her to mention the need was always enough to turn me on.

“You know it!” I grinned, as we met at the net. I noticed her left hand darting momentarily to the front of her shorts. Her knees were pressed together. She smiled in a way that looked a little kinky.

“Wanna try something?” she asked.

“Sure,” I said, agreeably. I didn’t know what she had in mind, but that question–and that smile–had always led to nice things.

We headed off the court in the direction of the changing rooms, and Candice took my hand. “I thought it might be fun to do a double wetting,” she said softly.

I didn’t get her drift. It had sounded like she’d said “double wedding,” and the two of us had barely discussed marriage. But I was too intrigued–and too eager to take my dick out of my shorts and let the beer flow–to hold things up with a lot of questions.

To my surprise, she led me right past the locker building, into a secluded bit of lawn beyond. A moment later, while we swayed and held ourselves, she surprised me further by sitting me down on the grass, and then seating herself on my lap, with her back to me. Feeling her ass on my fly made me start to get hard, but I was still ready to spill over with pee any second.

Candice jiggled on top of me, and I finally realized what she had in mind. “Okay,” she announced, with a touch of breathless anticipation in her sexy voice. “When I count to 3 we both let go, all right?” She didn’t wait for an answer, but began to count. “1 . . . 2. . .3!”

I heard a lewd hissing from under her ass, and I did my part by relaxing every tensed muscle in my lap. A warm, wet bliss rolled over me as my tennis shorts soaked up Candice’s flood of womanly water and my own bladder full of fluid. Her saturated crotch generated a river that merged with my own spreading wetness, a confluence of mutual release that mingled intimately where her throbbing cunt pressed through our flimsy clothing, urgent against my pumping hose.

Even while we were still wetting, her moans indicated that her enjoyment had crossed way over the line from the basic physical pleasure of urinating into something powerfully sexual. And when we finally, finally finished, we could not peel our soaked shorts and underwear fast enough. I had quickly developed a huge erection, and her piss-glistening pussy was slick and hungry. With our pants at our ankles, she wriggled her ass back down toward my lap until her wet lips kissed the tip of my member.

After an instant of this titillating contact, we screwed our sexes further into place and began a delicious bounce. Her back, warm with perspiration, pressed tightly against my chest, and her ass squirmed against my abdomen. I heard the sounds of pee-kissed flesh squishing to our rhythm. As I fucked her right there on my lap, I reached around to finger her nipples through her tennis shirt, taking care also to tickle her under her arms, which was guaranteed to send Candice into ecstasies. Her climax and mine came rushing through us mere instants later.

Scarcely had the orgasms receded when she hopped off me, squatted mere feet away, and let loose another torrent of pee, this time onto the dry grass. She giggled girlishly while I watched the luscious stream roar out of her. Her bare ass pulsated as it watered the terrain below.

***Jeremy Edwards (AKA Jerotic) hangs his hat (or is that a cap with little horns?) at My Space. Be sure to visit him there and give him a holler. He is a most interesting bloke and I will tell you more about that tomorrow. So make sure you come back!

All That Jazz

Monday, August 28th, 2006

Well, beloved smutters, I do believe it’s time again for one of my little scavanger lists: a bit of this and a bit of that.

  • The Biggest News: Veronica Varlow and Burke Heffner have gone and gotten themselves married! To each other, of course. Do you remember my interview with Burke for Sex Kitten and my little piece a while back on Veronica’s online boutique, Danger Dame? Check out this lovely wedding pic at Veronica’s blog. Are they adorable or what? These two are very good people and I am just tickled pink for them.
  • Speaking of Sex-Kitten, I recently reviewed the very naughty flick, BEND OVER BOYFRIEND PART II: MORE ROCKIN’ LESS TALKIN’. You might want to check it out, maybe even buy the DVD to keep for your very own. Cuz you ain’t gettiin’ mine, honey-darling!
  • Mark Twain was most definitely not a fan of James Fenimore Cooper! Read all about it right here.
  • I don’t know about you, but I am very unhappy about poor Pluto losing planet status. Apparently, there are plenty of others who feel the same way.
  • I know I keep saying that I’m going to be updating Literate Smut soon. But I really am…honest injun! I’m very excited about erotic photographer, Dave Hare, who’s just agreed to place a gallery at my Smut Galleries. Make sure to visit his site…he is frickin’ awesome.
  • I hate to break it to you, and it’s not that I don’t love ya (you’re the only one for me, baby), but very soon –in fact when Literate Smut is finally updated– I will be raising my prices. It’s not that I’m greedy, it’s that I only have so much energy and voice power to expend per day and I need to work smart. Plus, I do happen to put out a pretty fine product. Which means my $2.19 per min. rate will be going up to $2.49 per min. Of course, special callers (you know who you are) would tell you that I am very generous with treats (so you might wanna try to attain “special caller” status).
  • Cuckoldry anyone?
  • And if it ends up that Karr is guilty, it will a great American tragedy. Good gawd, what that family was put through. Regardless of his guilt, I was and am disgusted with the lip-licking press and every-fucking-body-else who was so eager to suspect/blame the Ramseys. Why do we do that? What’s wrong with us?
  • Welcome home to T. Bye bye to the other T. Can’t you all just stay in the same place for a while? And thanks to Coochie Boy for being so sweet.
  • Did I tell you I sprained my ankle? Been miserable all weekend. But I think it is on the mend now.
  • Happy NiteFlirt anniversary to Lustful Alice and Dear Madame. Older women make better lovers. Isn’t that how the song goes? I’ve spoken personally with both of these lovely ladies, and they come with my personal guarantee that you will be treated royally…one way or the other. So give ’em a call.
  • One more thing. Have you ever hear of No-pan kissa? Well you have now.

Ok, I think I’ll go to bed now.

xo

Hot Ass, Nice Gal

Saturday, August 26th, 2006

lyndee.jpg12269236-1318794856.jpg lass.jpg

Now isn’t that the cutest little butt this side of heaven? Aren’t you just dying to know where and how to find the woman is to whom it belongs? If you ask real nice, saying pretty please with cherries on top and promise to be very good boys (at least until you work up the nerve to give her a call–then, bad behavior is the order of the day…very bad behavior), I just might tell you.

Now, stop staring at those humps and pay attention. That gorgeous bootie that you can’t keep your eyes off of belongs to my friend, Lyndee.

AKA Luscious Lyndee

AKA Miss Fuckalicious

Is Fuckalicious Lyndee as cute as those buns you are staring at? Listen for yourself, and then visit the above links to her websites.

Lyndee and I kinda-sorta ran into each other while bee-bopping around the WWW and took an instant liking to each other. With men, I go by the seat of my panties. With women, my belly-feeling. And when I met Lyndee, it was like I’d just eaten a slice (maybe even two slices) of my grandmother’s Peanut Butter pie. She is both that sweet and that decadent. This is a friendship that is growing by the day, and I cherish it.

But what do the naughty boys have to say about our beloved Lyndee? Well, why don’t ya just read for yourself:

*****Speechless. She leaves me speechless.

*****Superb as usual! Lyndee is so hot and very professional. Creative and can get nasty (in a good way) and make you her bitch……gotta love it! She’s playful and NOT scripted….a must call!

*****Great voice and an awesome lady.

*****Amazingly fun, frisky, imaginative, intelligent and highly erotic! WOW!

So I love Lyndee, the guys love Lyndee. I’m betting you will love her too. Are you still here? Don’t you have a call to make?

Happy Birthday to Me

Friday, August 25th, 2006

Bose, Tiffany’s, Black Licorice, cold hard cash, Law & Order  poster, Tacos & Margaritas, Flowers, Chocolates, James Blunt, Victoria’s Secret, Spa Pedicure, Bubble Bath, Phone Calls from Special People, candles, Head Phones, Starbucks, Crab Legs….

I’ve been kinda-sorta celebrating my birthday this entire month, even though the actual event was on the 15th. But my birthday suit sure did fit nicely and was much appreciated by all.

I am lucky. I am blessed. I am grateful.

Need I say more?

And here’s my present to all of you.

xo