(Found via the always fabulous Bitchy Jones)

So, as usual,  you’ve been finding me in the most unusual ways.  Which I don’t mind and to which I hardly ever even pay any real attention, even though — as most website owners/bloggers do — I have the ability to check a variety of stats, including the Key Words readers are popping into Google to find their way from there to here.    Occasionally, though, I do take a peek just to see what’s cooking.  I have to say, sometimes what I see is a real head-scratcher. 

And once you take a gander at  Zen’s recent Key Words, you”ll probably be scratching too.  I mean what exactly is urban porno and how would it differ from, say, pastoral or suburban porno?  Who is looking for what — when he types mistress v penis into  his search engine?  Maybe he’s missing Mistress V as much as I am and getting all teary-eyed over the good old (Small Penis Prevention) days?

And then there’s those certain phrases that make me ask:  What was he thinking, drinking, snorting and/or injecting?  Look at the  red text.  See it?  This guy is definitely under the influence of something — but I’m thinking it’s most likely the influence of his naughty penis, which would also be known as STIFF PRICK SUPiDITY SYNDROME, wherein the gray matter turns gelatinous and reality takes a flying leap.  For the record, I will NOT do Phone Fantasies re. to Obama.  It’s just too silly.

Copied and pasted directly from my stats:

pussycunt (since when was this one word?)
phone sex
femdom wedding
penis punish
female dominant phone sex
game small penis humiliation
phone sex quote
cuckold respect wife\’s boyfriend (a great concept — in theory)
phone sex
face slapping bdsm
haircut fetish chat (I got spanked on this one)
face slapping bdsm
zen fetish blog (were you looking for moi’?)
teenage cuckold
obama big ears big cock (???)
PHONE SEX
phone sex quote
angela st. lawrence
small penis humiliation
femdom phonesex
mistress v penis (I miss my friend!)
urban porno
phone sex
cuck submissive
pantiesformen (uses spaces in search engines!)
free face slapped sex
small penis humiliation (more of that?)
girl sneaker porn
sexual face slapping
femdomme phone sex
SMALL PENIS HUMILIATION
penis punishment
tease denial
cougars milfs
angela st. lawrence
have best phone sex
aged milfs
what cuckold
fuckme red lipstick
"small penis" sister (uh, what?)
leopard beastiality  (dangerous!)
blackmailed erotic (about which I said)
learning the fetish blackmail
erotic blackmail
small penis humiliation
MIlf/cougars
"haircut fetish"
parochial school erotic stories
small penis humiliation
cock sucking fags
forced cuckolds "Cuckold Stories"
milfs and cougars
faceslapping mistress
face slap mistress
getting fucked while busy
zen fetiche (ooh, so fancy)
sexy slapping
phone sex small penis
SMALL PENIS HUMILIATION
sissies getting a butt plug
phone sex small penis humiliation
erotic humiliation stories cotton panties
milf pedia (could someone clue me in on this one?)
Slap submissive
sneaker girl fetish
small penis phone sex (ah, yeah, i’m getting a bad rep)

***

So what do you think?  Am I a bad girl?  Or a good girl who just happens to know how to be bad at the right time?  And isn’t it interesting all the face slapping and humiliation seekers who find their way here?  What must you think of me?  But there is a healthy sampling of other stuff (milf, tease & denial, phone sex quote, etc.).  One could make the argument (and I am) that the list reflects my creativity and flexibility — my eclectic, sexy genius.  *wink*

xo, Angela

Well, it did.  And you just know I’m going to tell you all about it, don’t you?  Which means it’s time to tell you about Jewboy.  Don’t get all politically correct on me, because he calls me the Little Shiksa.  A few of you know about him, but most don’t.  So let’s get to it, because he is part of this Valentine Story.

JewBoy is kinda-sorta my signicant other — just not too significant.  It’s my fault, not his.  He’s cute as a button, kinda geeky (which always gets me hot … so much fun to corrupt a nerd), sweet-natured and he would love to take our "relationship" to the next level.  I’m just not into heavy duty togetherness and all the work that goes into putting yourself on the line like that.  So we date here and there and I keep him at arms length … where he’s easy to handle.  And where I can live out in real life my FemDom Tease and Denial games. 

Hey, it works for me.  He’s handy candy, if you know what I mean.  And if you don’t?  Well, don’t expect me to go into a deep explanation.  But the weird thing about me and guys  — anybody I date — is that while I refuse to get really serious with anyone, at the same time,  I really do believe in love … romance, hearts & flowers, Valentine’s Day, MARRIAGE AND BABIES, kisses, hand-holding.  I mean, at least the idea of Happily Ever After seduces me.  But only for a while.  I don’t know.  Maybe it’s boredom, maybe I’m just a fickle bitch, or maybe the guys with whom I get involved turn out to be not so very much Prince Charmings.  Thus, numerous broken engagements at my relatively young age.

And I’ve explained this to JewBoy.  Although he rarely sees me and I often don’t take his calls, he buys the entire package that I am — lopsided ribbon and all.   I’m the first to admit my Girl-Boy games are quite selfish and that giving (in relationships) isn’t currently something I can do well.  But this is real life and it’s all I’ve got, at least for now.  So if a guy is interested he’s either got to take what I’m dishing out or get really sick of the menu and tell me to fuck off.  Interestingly enough — and much more than you would guess — the guy takes it.

So JewBoy wanted to do the Valentine thing.  He sent me flowers (sneaking in a couple of roses when he knows I prefer carnations, but that was forgivable enough), the accompanying card  tip-toeing around the L Word.  Because he knows better and because if he had been overly mushy I probably wouldn’t have taken his calls for another three or four weeks.  And he was hoping for a romantic Valentine dinner.  Which does appeal to my romantic side and I really am not heartless.  So I thought about it, I really did.

BUT … what I really really really wanted to do for Valentine’s day was Phone Sex.   Phone Sex with you and you and you and you.  FemDom Phone sex preferably, but a healthy dollop of perverse and kinky Phone Sex Chat would have been totally acceptable and most certainly a very good thing.  I do, after all, have a wicked imagination and take immense pleasure in weaving dirty stories about dirty boys doing dirty things.  I had plans to run some sort of Valentine Special and just make it a fun day with my callers.  So I politely and delicately (I really am fond of him and never ever want to hurt him) declined JewBoy’s date request, promising we would do the dinner thing soon after the big day.

UNFORTUNATELY …  Can you believe it?  I got sick with what I think was the flu.  I was miserable enough for it to be the flu.  So I went to my doctor on Monday, only by then I was already starting to get better.  No good drugs, but lots of blood tests since this is my second round of illness this year and she wanted to make sure that nothing more sinister is going on.  I am pretty much fine now, so the the visit was a waste of time and money.  But like I said, not even any good drugs from the visit. 

So guys (and JewBoy where ever you are):  Sorry about that.  I hated that I was sick.  I hated drinking the Thera-Flu.  I hated the fever and chills taking alternate and seemingly ceaseless swipes at me.  I hated my disinterest in CNN or even a good movie.  I hated reading a book and having to reread each and every paragraph because I was just too damn sick to pay attention.  I hated disappointing JewBoy.  But, most of all, I hated not being able to throw one hell-of-a rip-roaring Phone Sex party for one and all.

So here’s the deal.  I’m almost totally better; in fact, I even worked today.  I will be working the rest of the week at least eight hour each day.  I’m NOT promising what hours as I have real life responsibilities I need to work around.  But you will get at least eight hours from me, so keep checking.

In the meantime, I’m working on a very special project for THE GOOD GUYS.  And you know who you are, so be watching.

xo, Angela

_______________________

Phone Sex Quote of the day from Mr./Ms. J who made my day when he/she said:  You’re what I would call a modern Phone Sex Operator.  You actually have ethics and stick to them. 

_______________________

Best Valentine Gift:  Thank you Mr. W for the licorice.  You know it’s my favorite and I can hardly stop eating it.  Yum Yum Yum!

_______________________

Second Best Valentine Gift:  Thank you, YouKnowWho, for the Feng Shoe book — the little high-heel book mark is just too cute.  And the card?  Soooo me.  KIssssss.

A Lament For Phone Sex Operators in Tough Economic Times

By Pervert Q. Savant

The evening news
these the past few weeks
has surely brought
more troughs than peaks.
Spending’s down;
unemployment grows.
The country’s fortunes
Have hit new lows
And while Congress
spews purple prose,
There’s no money out there
for poor PSOs!

As I pen these words,
I see much amiss.
Our economy’s entered
a real deep abyss.
“This bailout’s a bust!”
fat Rush Limbaugh crows.
These damned banks won’t even tell us
Where all that money goes!”
The automakers too
Bewail their many woes.
But there’s not a dime out there
for poor PSOs!

“Our debt’s all ballooned!”
the fierce pundits all scream.
“The Chinese’ll own us,
Our lenders just scheme!”
But our great Wall Street moguls
are in soft repose.
They’re sipping champagne,
while their banks just foreclose.
And the worst thing about it
Is that no one really knows
who really got all that money
and then where it all goes.
But one thing’s for certain,
I think everyone knows
there ain’t a bit of it out there
for poor PSOs!

In the overall scheme of things
it just doesn’t seem right
to give out all that money
to millionaires – so uncontrite,
To the financing biggies —
Like poor AIG ,
and similar piggies,
who so soaked you and me.
But that’s the free market
It’s how it all goes
The tycoons get the money
While we get the hose.
And there’s not a dime out there
For poor PSOs.

So lower your rates, daughters!
Advertise to the max!
Give out those free minutes!
In your work be not lax!
For you’re on your own, honey
There’s no help from the Feds,
if you want to get money
for your food or your meds.
‘Cause the U.S. economy’s
in its death throes
And there’s certainly no money
For poor PSOs.

***

So do Phone Sex Operators need a Phone Sex bailout?  Why not?  If Larry Flynt and the Porn Industry can do it, so can we. 

Thanks you Pervert Savant, for the cutest poem ever!  And readers, while you’re here, learn more about my Savant Collection right here and read Pervert Savant’s ongoing series,  Lingerie on the Razor-Wire by clicking here.