My sweet sister, Bethany, as I’ve oft mentioned, forwards me zillions of emails she receives inter/intra office.  Because, I guess, that’s what all the people with vanilla jobs do with their time on the company clock.

(Except the sneaky guys holing up behind their office door or inside a bathroom stall to call me for a bout of dirty, nasty PhoneSex.  You know who you are.  No sense blushing!  Or stuttering.  Or hiding behind that Wall Street Journal.  I’ve got your number.  Oh, I forgot.  I don’t have your number.  You have have my number.  *wink* ) 

Anyway, I thought this was awesome-cute and am passing it along:

GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:

1) No matter how hard you try, you can’t baptize cats..
2) When your Mum is mad at your Dad, don’t let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don’t hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can’t trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don’t sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don’t wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you’re sad is Grandma’s lap.

GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:

1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don’t hurt.
3) Families are like fudge…mostly sweet, with a few nuts
4) Today’s mighty oak is just yesterday’s nut that held its ground..
5) Laughing is good exercise. It’s like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD

1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional..
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you’re down there.
4) You’re getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It’s frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:

1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don’t believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.

SUCCESS:

At age 4 success is . . . . not piddling in your pants.
At age 12 success is .. . . having friends.
At age 17 success is . . . having a driver’s license.
At age 35 success is .. . . having money.
At age 50 success is . . .. having money.
At age 70 success is . . . having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is .. . . having friends.
At age 80 success is . .. . not piddling in your pants.

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Hope you enjoyed.  And I am available for Phone Sex Calls this evening.  But don’t expect me to be as cute and nice as the above.  I’m thinking more along the lines of some serious fetish or kink.  Maybe a Cuckold Call or two?  Or some serious BDSM?  At least a bit of Cross-Dressing or Forced Bi?

Trannysaurus Heterodoxy:  Crossdressing Humor

Okay, it’s no secret I kinda-sorta like my sissy boys bunches and bunches.  As I’ve said before, don’t knock it if you haven’t seen a hard dick behind a pair of cute panties.  This time I’ll add:  Don’t be so quick to judge if you haven’t gotten to know the heart that beats behinds that bullet bra.  I have.  And guess what?  It beats just like yours or mine … maybe even perhaps a tad more passionately and honestly. 

I stand by a man’s right to play at being a girly-boy now and again, when it’s suits his/her fantasy or maybe just when the moon is pink and full.  When it comes to KINK it would behoove us to remember: 

Everybody’s kinky, everybody’s fine.  Your kink is funny.  And so is mine.

Two guys are changing in the locker room at the gym, and one of them notices that the other one is wearing a bra and panties.

"Hey, Joe, how long have you been wearing women’s underwear?"

"Ever since my wife found them in the glove compartment."

A straight man, a trans-sexual, and a crossdresser were drinking coffee together in a trendy cafe and watching the passing crowd. A very busty, well-dressed, and attractive woman walked into view. "Look at those tits," exclaimed the straight man getting up from his seat for a better view. "Doesn’t she move beautifully", sighed the trans-sexual enviously. The crossdresser drank some coffee and observed, "Her lipstick is all wrong for that dress."

Transvestite:  A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.

Bigfoot is really a solitary transvestite wondering the Pacifice Northwest in a vain search for heels that fit.

A boy goes up to his father. "Daddy, what’s a transvestite?"

"Go ask your mom," he replies. "HE should be able to explain it better."

A nun gets into a cab and the cab driver won`t stop staring at her.  She asks him why is he staring, and he replies, "I have a question to ask you, but I don`t want to offend you."
She answers, "My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you`re as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything.  I`m sure that there`s nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."

"Well, I`ve always had a fantasy to have a nun perform oral sex on me."

The nun responds, "Well, but you have to be single, and you must be Catholic."

The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single, and I`m Catholic too!"

The nun says, "Okay then, pull into the next alley." He does, and the nun fulfills his fantasy. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying his eyes out.

"My dear child, why are you crying?"

"Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess I`m married and I`m Jewish."

The nun says, "That`s OK, my name is Kevin, and I`m on my way to a Halloween Party."

Q.  What’s the difference between a transvestite sailor and Monica Lewinsky’s wardrobe?

A.   When you have a transvestite sailor, you have a dress on a seaman.

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Find Your Inner Panty-Boy  with these Phone Sex Super Stars

DIANA will Boost your Femininity with a Phone Sex Workout — CLICK HERE

Be a man by day and Super Sissy by night with MEGAN — CLICK HERE

COUNTESS LEAH will teach you to take it like a woman — CLICK HERE

Experienced DOMINA VERONICA  answers your gender questions — CLICK HERE

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Nymphomanic Convention

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his.

Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, "Business trip or pleasure?" She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston."

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs. Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What’s your business role at this convention?"

"Lecturer," she responded. "I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."

"Really?" he said. "And what kind of myths are there?"

"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.  Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers when actually it is men of Jewish descent who are the best.  I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck."

Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I’m sorry," she said, "I shouldn’t really be discussing all of this with you. I don’t even know your name."

"Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein.  But my friends call me Bubba.

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I don’t remember who sent me that, but it sure is funny.  Was it you, Puzzler?  I’m thinking it was.  Or perhaps it was my sister, Bethany?  Thanks to whomever. 

And while I’m at it, this next few days are going to be/might be/could be pretty busy so look for me, but don’t expect/do hope for much.  Tomorrow (Monday) I should be working from noon-ish until midnight … but that could change depending on a few circumstances that might pop up.  I don’t think they will be a problem, but just in case — you’re forewarned.  Then Tuesday is a BIG morning with my very expensive and talented hairdresser for my much needed and beloved highlights.

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Phone Sex Quote of the Day

Even though I hadn’t a clue and was totally taken by surprise, I wasn’t angry or turned off in the least.  I just thought, "Well!  What do you know?"  — Mr. A. telling me about his reaction to finding out the "lady" he’d been seducing (I just thought she had a lot of bush) was a TS (transexual).  And he DID continue with the seduction.  

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Phone Sex Scunt (scum + cunt) of the Day

Sissy M, who really really pissed me off today.  Get a grip and learn to act like a man … even when you’re in panties.  There is no excuse for your behavior and you are totally not getting what the phone sex experience is about.  Because, guess what?  It’s the same as everything else in life:  you get what you put into it. But then again, I suspect you don’t put much into life, so … don’t call me.  I’ll call you.

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DEAR READERS:  I am sooo sorry for losing my cool and telling off Sissy M. right here in public.  I really, really, really try to ignore these guys (just block their calls and move on) and pay attention to the good guys who deserve my attention,  like Mr. A. (who is a stand-up kinkster).  BUT that idiot I interrupted our blogging adventure with his call only to hang up at one minute.  

And so … well … er … just except my apologies and keep adoring me.

xo, Angela