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‘Cuz we rock, don’t ya know?
A Comedian
Lisa Landry ~at her website ~on My Space.
Vocations Club ~Paula Sergi
We met on Tuesdays after school
with Sister Mary Agnes,
the two Mary Lous, Julie, Kay and me
to learn about being nuns.
The convent sounded good;
a room of my own, a single bed,
time to think and pray, no fighting
over what we’d watch-Bonanza versus Dragnet,
or who would get the couch.
I dug those crazy nun outfits, and hated hand-me-downs
with too long sleeves and too tight waists.
I’d take the smell of polished wood and incense
over burnt grilled cheese and sour milk.
I’d have a good job, teaching kids
and all the chalk I’d want,
long, unbroken pieces that echoed off the board,
all eyes on me as I’d tap directions,
conducting my classroom all day.
People, I’d begin, today we’re talking about…
whatever I want to!
Nuns got great rosaries with fancy beads
and lots of gifts at Christmas.
And the solitude of celibacy sounded pretty good,
better than worrying about French kissing
like my sister, better than pining for men,
like mom, whose men left anyway.
A Joke
(courtesy of my sister’s Email)
A train hits a bus filled with Catholic school girls and they all perish.
They are in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates when St. Peter asks the first girl, “Tiffany, have you ever had any contact with a male organ?”
She giggles and shyly replies, “Well, I once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger.” St. Peter says, “Okay, dip the tip of your finger in the Holy Water and pass through the gate.”
St. Peter asks the next girl the same question, ” Sandra , have you ever had any contact with a male organ?” The girl is a little reluctant but replies, “Well, once I fondled and stroked one.” St. Peter says, “Okay, dip your whole hand in the Holy Water and pass through the gate.”
All of a sudden, there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls. One girl is pushing her way to the front of the line. When she reaches the front, St. Peter says, “Reva, What seems to be the rush?”
The girl replies, “If I’m going to have to gargle that Holy Water, I want to do it before Jessica sticks her ass in it.”
I KNEW it. I just KNEW you were a Catholic School Girl.
“Come out Virginia, don’t hesitate. You Catholic girls start much too late. Sooner or later it comes down to fate. I might as well be the one.”
Catholics (boys and girls) are inculcated early with the idea of sin. Sex, and anything associated with it, is reserved for marriage. Anything sexual before that is sinful. Maybe that’s why Catholics like sex so much. It’s a no-no. And no-nos are made for investigation. But with the sin comes the guilt.
Guilt is the burden we have to live with for being sexual and sinful.
Angela, you are my favorite Catholic School Girl and, as usual, your posting is one of wit and wisdom–a full spectrum antibiotic for the mundane.
I started reading expecting the happy pleasures of one of Angela’s Catholic fantasies – but was surprised and delighted to be introduced to the poet Paula Sergi. Many thanks to the always eclectic Ms. StLawrence!
Why is the fantasy of the Catholic school girl so powerful? I think we love the idea of all that eager passion lurking just below a prim and proper surface. Hmmmm. Sounds like our Angela! So our real question for today is “Why is the fantasy of Angela so powerful?” Because it sure is!
Public School Girls and Catholic School Girls – A Sort of Poem
Funny thing.
When I was a Catholic boy I was afraid to even say anything
To the Catholic schoolgirls
That sat on the other side
of our divided classrooms.
I thought they all bought into the venial sins and mortal sins
That the nuns told us about.
I thought they were kind of pure,
Free from the “bad thoughts” that I harbored
About what was beneath their white blouses
And plaid skirts.
I figured they weren’t like me
— someone who didn’t have money
For summer camp,
For skating,
And who didn’t know how to dance.
Someone that didn’t know what to say to them.
The public school girls were the ones that seemed more like me
— that wore makeup,
That didn’t wear uniforms.
That smoked in the back of the city bus
That took me to a typing class at the local public high school. They were the “bad girls” the nuns warned us about.
And being Catholic, I didn’t know what to say to them either.
I think a lot of the heat is created by the Judeo-Christian taught guilt we are conditioned with when dealing with all things involving sex especially during our early lives.
This idea of enjoying sex, especially with a formally educating in Religion, young woman, becomes quite hot as it has been hammered home that such ideas are taboo. And we all know about how sweet forbidden fruit tastes.
PQS…did you write that?
Absolutely!
Just my luck! The only one of those girls I ever met was Tiffany. (Thank goodness I then met Angie!)
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Now that was one hilarious joke. I promise to steal that one and share with my colleagues…should I stick a literatesmut business card in their boxes too?
Okay, I am a few months too late but that was fucking hilarious!!!
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