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Ron Jeremy: Catholic Pervert or Porn Star Super Hero?
(OR MAYBE JUST AN EVERYDAY JOE)
I don’t think there is anybody on the face of this planet who is immune to the rascally charm of Ron Jeremy. He has that Christopher Walken thing going on, wherein no matter what type of bad-boy persona he is momentarily inhabiting, the twinkle in his eye tells you it’s all in good fun and you’re welcome to join in.
It makes you just want to hug him up and shower him with presents. Here, Ron, I made you this nice cup of hot chocolate with whipped cream on the top. How about a full body massage, Ron? Take all my jewelry; don’t forget the diamond earrings. Take it, Ron, take it all: Exclusive access to my virgin anus, frankinscense and myrrh, my someday first born child. Even the Internet is more-or-less Ron Jeremy’s bitch. His ability to have fun with, and even cash in on, his public persona in such a friendly, gleeful way has a lot of us going ga-ga over him.
I get such a kick out of finding him here and there and everywhere, always seeming to have the time of his life. I’ve never actually seen a bona fide Ron Jeremy PORN flick. His reign as the Porn Prince with the Perpetually Erect Prick was a bit before my time. But I have seen the documentary, Porn Star: The Legend of Ron Jeremy, which I highly recommend, because you owe it to yourself to see the humanity behind the legend.
Because the truth of Mr. Jeremy’s life is that, even with his Porn Star legendary status, he just isn’t that much different than you or me; he really is the quintessential everyman. Like most of us (and I so identify with this), he had a general plan for his life which he expected to fulfill. But life had something a bit different in mind. And that is how life is, isn’t it? We think we’re headed over there, but end up over here. You can spend the rest of your days whining, screaming, pouting, complaining and blaming. Or you can get comfortable where you are, throw a big party and invite the world. Cocktails at seven. Hors doevres at eight. Black tie, or even pants, optional.
So put on your party hat and let’s have some fun with Ron:
- A scholar (buy the above film to see what I mean) and a gentleman, Mr. Jeremy takes the newly-divorced Kathy Griffith out on the town and offers sage dating advice.
- Get your freak on with Ron. Show those lumps, honey.
- Have a Pina Colada with Ron. (And you thought men couldn’t fake it.)
- One on one with Ron. Size ten shoe! You know what that means. And I bet you can’t do what he can do.
- And let me tell you, brothers and sisters, Britney has nothing on the Hedgehog.
- Did you know Mr. Jeremy has his own little Mini me? No, not that! It’s definitely not "mini."
- And then ala Being John Malkovich, there’s Being Ron Jeremy, which I hear is an absolute hoot and includes a lot of other goodies as well, such as outtakes and INSIDE THE PORN ACTORS STUDIO.
- There is also a well-received book, Ron Jeremy: The Hardest (working) Man in Showbiz.
- 49, 205 friends at MySpace? Wow Wee Wow! Now that’s a party!
- And wouldn’t you brag if you sucked Ron Jeremy’s cock? My friend, Libby, did.
- Did you know he’s also a Cartoon Super Porn Hero? (that is his voice behind the animation)
See what I mean? How can you not like this guy? If you don’t, there has got to be something seriously wrong with you. Me? I am obviously and deliriously smitten. Deal with it.
Now, fess up: How many of you out there have seen a Ron Jeremy film or two? Come one, don’t be shy. I want to know all the naughty details. Can he really kiss his "schmeckle" and is it really that big? Do you have a collection of his DVDs? And if not, why not? I’m thinking I need to get a collection started. I mean shouldn’t every red-blooded, dirty-girl blogger do the right thing for the Man with the Golden Shlong?
xo, Angela
He is quite funny and takes his work to heart laughing and screwing and wiggling all the while.
And yes, Angela, Ron is quite limber and is totally capable of giving himself a knob job. But I’m sure he doesn’t have to resort to that very often.
Angela, I’ve seen many Ron Jeremy “videos,” and own a few. His legend is honorably and ethically earned. Kudos to him. And to you for always seeing the the good in the “good, bad and ugly.” And for recognizing that, when you get right down to it, there really isn’t much difference amongst the three.
*videos as opposed to DVDs. Time to modernize them.
Ron Jeremy is THE MAN! Thanks for a great piece.
He’s a classic. I saw the documentary, too, and was surprised that I actually knew so little about the man behind the myth. And it was quite clear that his peers think very highly of him.
Even in his earliest films, there was always a “we’re all here to have fun” feeling. So we did!
Your friend did what? Now that is something to tell the grandchildren some day. Did she take a picture of the “mark of the beast”?
Ron Jeremy is sort of the “Everyman” of screen smut — a fat, thoroughly ordinary, maybe even sort of ugly-looking guy that has managed to spend most of our lifetimes joyously impaling porn starlets. I think his popularity is based on male wish-fulfillment. When the Joe Averages of America see an everyday yo-yo like Ron doing the wild thing with a gorgeous blue movie queen, they can’t help but come away from the experience inspired and buoyed. “Hell,” they think. “If a bozo like Ron can get it on with a porn startlet, maybe there’s hope for me too!”
You go Ron! You’re an inspiration to us all!
All hail the KING of PORN. With fingers crossed and my dick in my other hand, I salute you, Sir Hedgehog.
…….and dare to dream.
Ron is the envy of all regular guys like us. All men fantasize about being with beautiful women, and this guy has made a career out of it. I wonder what his secret is and if he’s share it with ordinary guys like us.
You’ve got to admire his jovial attitude. But has he ever really known the joys of submission?
I own my share of Ron Jeremy movies. Like you said, he is “everyman.” He gives we schmucks hope and entertains us at the same time. I never quite saw it from your angle, so thanks for pointing it out.
(I found you at your other blog, Blistered Lips, and am glad I did. But, may I ask, is there no end to your talent?)