Ron Jeremy: Catholic Pervert or Porn Star Super Hero?
(OR MAYBE JUST AN EVERYDAY JOE)
I don’t think there is anybody on the face of this planet who is immune to the rascally charm of Ron Jeremy. He has that Christopher Walken thing going on, wherein no matter what type of bad-boy persona he is momentarily inhabiting, the twinkle in his eye tells you it’s all in good fun and you’re welcome to join in.
It makes you just want to hug him up and shower him with presents. Here, Ron, I made you this nice cup of hot chocolate with whipped cream on the top. How about a full body massage, Ron? Take all my jewelry; don’t forget the diamond earrings. Take it, Ron, take it all: Exclusive access to my virgin anus, frankinscense and myrrh, my someday first born child. Even the Internet is more-or-less Ron Jeremy’s bitch. His ability to have fun with, and even cash in on, his public persona in such a friendly, gleeful way has a lot of us going ga-ga over him.
I get such a kick out of finding him here and there and everywhere, always seeming to have the time of his life. I’ve never actually seen a bona fide Ron Jeremy PORN flick. His reign as the Porn Prince with the Perpetually Erect Prick was a bit before my time. But I have seen the documentary, Porn Star: The Legend of Ron Jeremy, which I highly recommend, because you owe it to yourself to see the humanity behind the legend.
Because the truth of Mr. Jeremy’s life is that, even with his Porn Star legendary status, he just isn’t that much different than you or me; he really is the quintessential everyman. Like most of us (and I so identify with this), he had a general plan for his life which he expected to fulfill. But life had something a bit different in mind. And that is how life is, isn’t it? We think we’re headed over there, but end up over here. You can spend the rest of your days whining, screaming, pouting, complaining and blaming. Or you can get comfortable where you are, throw a big party and invite the world. Cocktails at seven. Hors doevres at eight. Black tie, or even pants, optional.
So put on your party hat and let’s have some fun with Ron:
- A scholar (buy the above film to see what I mean) and a gentleman, Mr. Jeremy takes the newly-divorced Kathy Griffith out on the town and offers sage dating advice.
- Get your freak on with Ron. Show those lumps, honey.
- Have a Pina Colada with Ron. (And you thought men couldn’t fake it.)
- One on one with Ron. Size ten shoe! You know what that means. And I bet you can’t do what he can do.
- And let me tell you, brothers and sisters, Britney has nothing on the Hedgehog.
- Did you know Mr. Jeremy has his own little Mini me? No, not that! It’s definitely not "mini."
- And then ala Being John Malkovich, there’s Being Ron Jeremy, which I hear is an absolute hoot and includes a lot of other goodies as well, such as outtakes and INSIDE THE PORN ACTORS STUDIO.
- There is also a well-received book, Ron Jeremy: The Hardest (working) Man in Showbiz.
- 49, 205 friends at MySpace? Wow Wee Wow! Now that’s a party!
- And wouldn’t you brag if you sucked Ron Jeremy’s cock? My friend, Libby, did.
- Did you know he’s also a Cartoon Super Porn Hero? (that is his voice behind the animation)
See what I mean? How can you not like this guy? If you don’t, there has got to be something seriously wrong with you. Me? I am obviously and deliriously smitten. Deal with it.
Now, fess up: How many of you out there have seen a Ron Jeremy film or two? Come one, don’t be shy. I want to know all the naughty details. Can he really kiss his "schmeckle" and is it really that big? Do you have a collection of his DVDs? And if not, why not? I’m thinking I need to get a collection started. I mean shouldn’t every red-blooded, dirty-girl blogger do the right thing for the Man with the Golden Shlong?
xo, Angela
